producing patience

 "my brethren, count in all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. but let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect & complete, lacking nothing."

 {james 1:2-4, nkjv}

i don't really like the word patience. i can't really say it's an aspect of the fruit of the Spirit that i have really sought to be discipled in. it kinda always seemed to be a wimpy word. patience, as in, quietly enduring something until it passes. like being really good at holding your breath or biting your tongue. something passive & meek & long suffering. filled with the not so heroic notions of forbearance & tolerance & restraint. not very run-to-the-battle-lines. wimpy.

i've kinda been doing a little word audit of my own definitions of words verses the biblical understanding & use of words. sometimes words don't just get translated into a language but into a culture & sometimes the potency of those words gets affected in the process. patience is one of those words. kinda like hope or waiting {post to come}.

dieter f. uchtdorf uses this definition,

"patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. patience means active waiting & enduring. it means staying with something & doing all that we can: working, hoping, & exercising faith; bearing hardships, with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" 

another definition noted patience as "staying power or resoluteness or determination". but my favourite definition of patience is from the expositional study of new testiment words: 

"the independent, unyielding, defiant perserverence in the face of aggressive misfortune & thus to a kind of courageousness"

who knew patience had such tenacity? i gotta get me some of that right there! not the quiet little meek word i thought it was.

and so when james says that "the testing of your faith produces patience" this is what he means. he means "the independent, unyielding, defiant perserverence in the face of aggressive misfortune & thus to a kind of courageousness". it's the kind of patience that can only be produced through the testing of your faith, the aggressive misfortune of life. it's an opportunity. a refiner's fire & james says to "count it all joy". how audacious of him.  but he's right. that's the way kingdom math works. count. add up all the negatives you want, the sum will always be a positive for those who love Him {romans 8:28}. watch Him fashion & forge misfortune into an invaluable gem. 

patience usually has some kind of time dimension to it. when our expectation of how or when something should be completed is compromised, patience is required. patience is required because attitudes expand & implode when things aren't done respective of my timeline. i can't say i've been the most patient in my waiting or even the most active in my waiting. but i want to be patient. hopefully patient for things i know God has promised me that i don't currently hold in my possession yet. i want that staying power that makes thirsty roots clench hard & bore deep into solid ground, un-uprootable.  that courageous, defiant perseverance against the aggressive misfortune that would seek to steal, kill & destroy. i want to endure well, stand my ground courageously with fortitude until it's my time to have & to hold my promise for health & wholeness in all it's fullness & glory. it's like that old proverb says "patience is bitter but it's fruit sweet". may the fruit of patience be evident in my life. 

and so it is as james says,"let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect & complete, lacking nothing." the journey is a patient journey. and i am hopefully expectant for patience's perfect work to have it's way in my life.

"there are no shortcuts to any place worth going" 

{anonymous} 

cape breton capers & cottage catch-up

hello friends!
we're back!
back from our fabulous cape breton capers.
back from our cottage cruisin'.
back to ordinary life. lovely, predictable, ordinary life. we LOVED our time away but there is nothing like sleeping in 5 different beds in 6 nights to convince you that ordinary life does have it's perks. our kids were thoroughly loved on by family & friends while we were away {although you would swear by their home-coming behaviour we had sold them to a travelling circus or released them into a savage jungle for the week... i'm sure this is just their unique way of saying we missed you mummy & daddy!} & we are so thankful for the small army it took to pull this trip off {with a special mention to our brannan HERO's who swooped in to save the day... we just love this family :) }

our trip out to the church in cape breton was phenomenial. surrounded by the gorgeous scenery of ingonish camping & the cabot trail, good eats & great fellowship were the highlights. and you know how i feel about these great folks. other than a brief trip to the strangest & yet most endearing emerg i have ever seen for a little something they like to call systemic poison ivy, it was a blast!

on our way back i snapped a few pics {as promised} of the infamous canoe rack & a few other projects going on around the cottage. i'm trying to get better about taking before pics & celebrating completed projects.  it's so nice, especially as a stay-at-home mom, to get to show off what you've spent your hard earned 'nap time' freedom on. to feel like i've progressed in some small way. i feel like 'nap time projects' deserve an extra mention only because when people ask me what i've done at the end of the day i usually only have a big pile of dirty diapers & laundry to show for it. but occasionally, when i accidentally stumble upon a reserve energy i didn't know i had, i have a chair or a shelf or a pillow to show for it. and on those rare occasions, i am extra grateful. :)

window seat with cushions & pot drawer
{this is mostly my mama's doing}

pretty happening model if i do say so myself ;)

curb side garbage turned into cottage love.

hope the stain lasts, i didn't prime them!

darn canoe rack

 and then there is the 'nap time' project to do list:

#1: railing are important, especially two stories up!

#2: after chipping the moss & lichen off, adding a little stain
& digging out the bottom, i'm sure this will be a fav spot

#3: this little number is planned to become a
princess turret/pirate ship... stay tuned! 

#4: removing those edging rocks & putting
up a cedar rail fence to stop cars from parking on lawn

#5: taking chairs, sanding & milk washing them all black

#6: building a long bookcase against that slanty wall to
support my longtime addiction to books

#7: add another railing & maybe enjoy a little nap of
my own in that nicely stained chair ;)

this growing list may well take 300 nap times to complete but what i most look forward to is the feeling of accomplishment, like i did something & it stayed did. :)

poison ivy panic

i can be pretty driven. when i get something in my head that i want to accomplish, i can be pretty stubborn, charging recklessly through any obstacle in my way. i got this from my mother. and it is mostly a positive, largely productive thing. but occasionally, we can get ourselves into a little trouble... charging through obstacles with no thought to the consequence, i mean. like building a canoe rack in the middle of a bed of poison ivy & oak. i didn't want to wait to spray it with round up & then wait until the plants die, that would be unnecessarily long & tedious. so my mum, who was equally enthusiastic about building this canoe rack, thought she had read somewhere that the roots weren't poisonous. so our plan was to dig up each plant, to which there were about a hundred, until the roots were exposed & then yank them out by the root with our bare hands & dispose of them in the lake. and our plan went off marvellously. we were covered in dirt & bug bites by the end but we were careful to wash our hands & feet with soap... just in case. and in the end, we had a beautifully creative mother-daughter creation in the end (will post the pics soon!).

i especially loved the canoe rack because canoeing is one of the very special memories my mum & i have together. she trucked through all kind of portaging bush with me as i completed the four long years of duke of edinburgh. she's the one who taught me to really see God in nature & how to be still. and she also taught irreplaceable feeling of building something that's your own with your own two hands. this is a tradition that is really important for me to pass onto my own kids, hence the canoe rack. so this canoe rack was significant to me none-the-less... just to give some context to why it was so irrationally important to me.
anyways, the next day neither of us had any sign of any kind of poison ivy or oak vengeance which i made sure to smugly highlight to my husband steve who had found us in the middle of the poison ivy infestation & begged us to see reason the day before.
little did we know the rash can take a few days to fully reveal it's fury. little did we know that every part of that evil plant is evil. little did we know that we also ripped out poison oak without any precaution.

lookin' fine!

and so i am sitting here in a apple cider vinegar-baking soda-hydrocortizone-calimine lotion paste covering most of my body. the kids call me the snowman. luckily, it is not actually contagious {unless you still have the oil on your clothes or skin}. i think i may have even ingested the poison by biting my nails a day or two after exposure so my throat & inner ear are also itchy, swollen.
needless to say, we have learned our lesson & will do the necessary research next time we decide to make up facts to accommodate our brilliant plans for grand creations. having said all that... i wouldn't change anything about being just like my mum. :)

happy belated summer!

i don't know about you, but it felt like it took a little longer for summer to arrive this year. or rather that it couldn't decide whether it was coming or going. but it is finally here, in all it's humid glory! and we are loving it {hence the mini-sabtacle}! here are some fun snapshots of what summer adventures we've been up to thus far...

in the rainy, cold...

homemade rocketblasters

museum of aviation

museum of aviation meets eva extraordinare

our motorcade... or gang, we can't decide. :)

and in the sunny, sun, sun...

boat ride

molly

rainbow sticks

wine bladder fun for sore tummies

super daddy... all four kids & the dog tied to the side :)

canada day!

strawberry picking ... and eating!

strawberry pie, strawberry smoothie,
strawberry muffins oh my!

 

the old made new again... who knew garbage day
could turn out so well!

mean stairs meet brave boy

car wash

 hope you're all summer lovin'!

You are I AM {Hallelujah, He lives in me}

weeping repentance. kneeling before the King of kings. uncontrollable sobs while beholding the Great I Am.

You're the One who conquerors giants.
You're the One who calls out kings.
You shut the mouths of lions.
You tell the dead to breathe.
You're the One who walks through fire.
You take the orphan's hand.
You are the one Messiah.
You are I Am.
You are I Am.

Hallelujah, He lives in me.

the hot & the cold

it's been pretty warm out there this week & if you're kitchen is anything like mine, it turns into a broiler on days like today. with our kid's appetites being very healthy these days, i'm find it hard to keep up with the demand for healthy snack-y type foods. i usually need to bake a load of muffins or granola bars every other day. but it's just been too darn hot!

so here's two recipes that are cool-ish for the hot, HOT days.

chocolate no bake trail mix cookies {grain free, gluten free}

1/3 cup sucanat
1/3 cup honey
1/2 cup coconut oil
3 tbsp unsweetened cacao powder
1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk
1/8 tsp salt
1/2 cup almond butter
1 tsp pure vanilla
1 cup finely shredded unsweetened coconut
1/2 cup almonds
1/2 cup walnuts
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
have a tray lined with wax paper ready. in a medium saucepan, brind the sucanat, honey, coconut oil, cacao powder, milk & salt to a rapid boil. boil for one minute. turn off the heat & add the almond butter, vanilla, shredded coconut, almonds, walnuts, sunflower & pumpkin seeds & stir well.
drop the mixture by the teaspoonful onto the wax paper. allow to cool for about 15 minutes, then transfer to the fridge to set completely, about another 15-20 minutes. these are best kept stored in the fridge & served cold.
original recipe here.

frozen yogurt trail mix bars
2 cups greek yogurt {i used 1 cup 2% plain, 1 cup vanilla}
1 1/2 cup chopped fruit {strawberries, blueberries, bananas, raspberries... take your pick}
1/2 cup chopped nuts {i used almonds}
3/4 cup granola
1/4 cup chocolate chips {optional}

mix all ingredients in a bowl. line a pan with foil. spread yogurt mixture into pan. cover with plastic wrap & place in freezer until frozen. remove from freezer, let thaw for 5 minutes, cut into bars. store in an airtight container in the freezer.

original recipe here.

joseph & his bullies

my childhood bully called me recently wanting to reconnect. just curious to see where i had ended up in life & what i was doing. like nothing had ever happened between us. she hadn't called to acknowledge all of the pain & trauma she had caused. she hadn't called to beg my forgiveness. in fact, i think she called not even being aware of the damage she had caused.

a flood of awful memories came back as i listened to the message on my machine. it took me back to places i thought i had long forgotten & left behind. it's amazing the amount of emotion that can be packed away for so long.

she called all day that day. seven times to be exact. and i didn't pick up any of the calls. i just let it ring as my anger & anxiety fumed & mounted.

i was reading to the kids that night. the story of joseph. about how his brothers shredded his cloak & threw him away, then sold him into a life of slavery. and then how they were forced to come crawling back to him once he was in a position of power. and i liked it. no, i LOVED it. i loved that those terrible bullies had to come crawling back to beg for forgiveness. and how joseph was in such a position of power he could have squashed them. but he didn't. he chose mercy. he chose forgiveness because he chose to see them as flawed people not just as his bullies. he chose to see them as brothers.

and so i started thinking on mercy. i started thinking about what would have motivated or caused her to do such things. and i thought about how hurting people hurt people. but i just kept saying over & over again "but i can't just forgive her without confronting her with what she did. i can't forgive her because then she got away with it." and steve, that wise husband of mine, said "but she hasn't gotten away with anything. look at her lonely little life. she hasn't gotten away with a thing." and i thought about where she was now in life. still the same hurting person. and i was sad. i wasn't at all glad she had ended up lonely & alone, even if it was the consequence of her own actions. revenge & vindication suddenly did not taste so sweet.

i knew i didn't have any obligation to call her back. i knew i really didn't have to if i didn't want to. but i felt compelled to show mercy to her. if there was some way i could help her out of the hurt she'd been swallowed up by, it'd make those tortuous years worth something. and so, after much debate, i called her back.

and it wasn't so great. i certainly didn't have that 'valiant victoriously above it all' feeling after. she hadn't changed one bit. she really had just called to stir up trouble. it was really hard to keep my 'forgive & extend mercy' resolve. hard not to explode into a wildfire rage. but sometimes when you're feeling vulnerable, when you're feeling hurt, the easiest thing to do is to spring to anger because it feels so active. feels as though you are achieving something, like teaching someone a lesson or protecting yourself when in actuality you're hurting yourself.

forgiveness isn't just a choice, it's a muscle.  a muscle that you have to chose to use each day, or each time you think of the person who wronged you. and the more you exercise that forgiving muscle, the easier it gets & stronger you are. the more the weight is lifted. but it's gradual. not immediate. i have always thought about forgiveness as being more of a singular event. where i chose to forgive & then it's over. but really, and maybe this is because i am a little more prone to grudges than most other people, it's a commitment. it's a journey.

i know how horrible it feels to have resentment & anger that you have no way of getting rid of. i know how crippling & debilitating a life dedicated to contempt & revenge is, a life dedicated to holding onto the past. it's the thing that kills the soul. it's a dangerous affliction, that is merciless towards it's victims. and so i have chosen to dedicate myself to making the long decision for forgiveness. for mercy. doesn't mean i won't have to battle my emotions from time to time. doesn't mean i won't one day need to confront this person or set appropriate boundaries. forgiveness doesn't make what someone has done alright. but it does set me free & make me muscle-y meek which is the best part about joseph's story. he showed restraint when he could have given his brothers what they rightfully deserved. he showed wisdom & sobriety while they were franticly sick with grief over what they had done. and he showed genuine care & concern for them, living freely & prospering from a full heart of forgiveness. and joseph's testimony became that which was meant to harm him was used by the hand of the Lord to prosper him & his land.

"then joseph said to his brothers, "come close to me." when they had done so, he said, "i am your brother joseph, the one you sold into egypt! and now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save the lives that God sent me ahead of you. for two years, now there has been a famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing or reaping. but God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance." {genesis 45: 4-7}

i know i'm not quite as far along the path of forgiveness as joseph yet but i know God wastes nothing & i see that now. i see how He's gently crafted & strategically used my past experiences to prosper me & make me who i am today.  He a good God, that crafty God of ours, who wastes nothing. not even bullies.