building a dream.

 this farm has been more work, more frustration, more blood, sweat and tears than a human would think they could take on. but it has been the most divinest & beautifulest of dreams realized at the exact same time.

as farmers in a small community, we learn from each other. we learn how to farm smart so we can enjoy more. this is why we love permaculture. it's less work. less money & a whole lot more fun... at least in theory.

tricks you'd only find in the backyard of another passionate farmer like putting goldfish in your troughs to prevent algae from taking over or putting big rocks in the bottom of the water dish that the ducklings drink from so we have no more unfortunate drownings or free choice baking soda in the goat barn to prevent urinary tract infections (my vet doesn't believe me...thinks it's bogus, but i swear by it!).

one kindred spirited farmer once passed on the most cherished piece of advice we've gotten so far, which he said he inherited from his mentor before him. "pick the breed you like the look of best, it makes it easier to feed in the dead of winter." pretty things are easier to take care of. beautiful things are what you take pride in. from our speckled easter eggs, to the smattering of our chicken flock to the sheen of our ducks, to our turkey fanfare & guinea fowl pin feather, to the eclectic coats of goats, to the colouring of our spotted pigs, the unfurled, wild manes of our mares & geldings. we like beautiful things. we love quality things. we know this often means heritage breeds that are difficult to find and grow much slower products than commercial breeds (even if they do overall create a much superior product). but it takes much time, commitment & vision to cultivate beautiful things.

we love what we're building for our family & for our lives. it is an absolutely unique story made of the colourful tapestry weaved out of colossal rookie mistakes & divine luck (and a lick & a promise)... and the horizon only amplifying the weight & measure of our original vision.

it's hard work. but beautiful work. the work of building a dream.

the lost is found {Part 1}

I have tracked through woods deeper & darker than Mantracker has ever seen, wrestled my way through swamp thickets, slipped & slid up and down muddy creek beds, trudged thru neck high hog weed, sprinted across never ending corn fields, climbed electric fence & barb wire, inches from being trampled by a herd of cattle, had an unfortunate exchange with a very large deer & have eaten more Mosquitos than the suggested daily protein intake of a large man and all this for.... a goat, who's bell can still tauntingly be heard just far enough in the distance to make you crazy. The two day saga continues...

We have been trying to streamline our herd of dairy goats, after committing to just about one of every breed last year to figure out which we liked best. We'd decided on Nubian for their delicious, ungoaty milk and friendly dispositions & goodness forbid their dual purposeness. So I listed the precious goats we were to cull this year to make room for a few more Nubians in their stead. All this is made easier only by having a vision of the path forward of the goats that would be replacing them. 

I had found a unusually shy but wise lady near Kingston who was downsized her own precious herd of dappled Nubians. They were the most beautiful collection of goats I have ever seen. They had polka dots everywhere. You couldn't tell where one goat started and the other ended. Like a great big Jackson Pollock painting on the run. She had a few for sale. As I was trying to get close enough to look at each one, the whole herd would flux and fly away from me wildly climbing walls to get out of my reach, with the exception of one. One large doe just stood right next to me and stared me right in the eye. Not timid or scared one bit by my strange presence. The lady said that doe was reluctantly for sale. Her name was Scarlett and she was her favourite. But she had aged and the lady knew it was time to sell her. Scarlett had the personality and the teats we wanted in our herd but she wasn't as dappled as the others. There was another wild-ling in the bunch that had the perfect dappling for our breeding program but clearly had never been touched by a human. I have always been terrible at deciding these things, which is why I usually take someone with me to push me on one side of the decision or another. I asked the lady who was selling them which she would take. She said she'd love for me to take Scarlett just because she knows she would be going to a good place but that it was my decision. After way too much pondering, I chose Scarlett, still not confident about leaving the other beauty behind. 


It immediately became apparent that Scarlett had never been on a lead before & was very forthright about her opinions about being taken from her herd. I had unfortunately taken my mom's SUV which was high from the ground but with much awkward wrestling, she reluctantly was loaded in the back. Despite her initial dissatisfaction with riding in the back of a moving vehicle, she settled right down. She stood the whole way, up and down the winding roller coaster back roads of Westport and beyond. With her head over the backseat watching Livi and Kai's every move. We had just come from Livi's Preschool Graduation and both Kai & Livi had been playing with balloons in the back which Scarlett had found amusing. But it wasn't long before I heard Kai whining uncomfortably in the backseat. 
"Scarlett's dropping her boogers on me & she won't stop!" he tattled. 
We must have had the air-conditioning too high. He tried bending himself out of the way of her sniffling snot but Scarlett had found such solace in his big mop of wild hair that the booger drippings could no longer be avoided. I handed Kai the Kleenex box and he sweetly blew her nose for her. The three of them became the best of friends back there. So much so that it appeared that one of the two munchkins in the back had unclipped the dog leash that was to keep anchored to the back of the car. But she didn't jump the backseat, just faithfully stood the whole way to her new home. 

She had been so chill the whole idyllic way home, that I could not have predicted the drama that was about to ensue once I opened the back hatch to bring her into the barn. 

I pulled up close enough to the barn and unloaded my two littles with their helium balloons happily in hand and gave them instruction to stand right next to the car until Scarlett was in the barn. I opened the hatch, quickly re-clipped the dog leash and let out a sigh of relief. Phew. That was close I thought. 

And then, with absolutely no warning, Scarlett leapt out of the back like the car had just exploded.  Unaware of her new surroundings, flew into the side of our old pumphouse with me on the other end of that nylon leash. I smoked my shoulder, and lost my footing over some forlorn logs around the back of the pumphouse and she dragged me. Dragged me hard. Through the grass. through the cedars and just about onto the road before I regained control. I was slightly impressed that she could drag me, a full grown woman, so far, so fast. 

Livi screamed with horror having just witness the whole terrible event and let go of her balloon in sheer shock. She was now bellowing her sorrow upon realizing her balloon was gone. Kai happily fascinated with the dancing balloon over his head hadn't notice a thing. I wrestled that goat as hard as I possible I could. With all my might, I dragged and pushed and pulled that goat while yelling my not so sympathetic comfort to Liv who, devastated, had lost all of her life's dreams in that balloon now swirling high in the sky on it's way to the moon. I finally got Scarlett into the barn and took the kiddos inside for their overdue nap.

Later that day, I could not get that other beautiful goat out of my head. I humbly asked Steve if there was anyway we could afford to get this other goat, as dappled goats are quite rare and sell quickly. He said yes, despite the fact that we hadn't yet sold any of the goats that we were replacing. We rubbed our pennies together and I took my mom and all the kids back the next day to grab the other, more wild, less better tempered goat. And that is when all the trouble started. 

the hardest job in the world, is the best job in the world

we're always build something. it can be easy to forget what you're building when you're building it out of mundane things like diapers, lost socks, sleepless nights & the naughty step. but i don't ever want to look at my job as a mom as anything less than the priceless privilege of being a part of building a human being.

early bird

i actually wrote this really early, a few weeks ago to be exact but forgot to post. so here it is... late but still early. :)

-------------------------------------------------------------

my husband is away in the uk at the moment.  and whenever he is away, i love to set little projects & goals to complete while he's away.  like a focus. almost like a distraction, but better because it's productive! any other time and those little projects would just be tedious.  but for some reason, while hubby is away, they become an exciting challenge. sometimes the goals are simple, other times they're huge.  but either way, it's always rewarding & something to look forward to. they usually surround some kind of training with the kids {establishing a new bedtime routine, weaning susu's & sippy cups, getting on top of unbecoming behaviour, etc.}. but this trip, i got so carried away that i set my new year's resolutions... i know, i know... waaaay to early! but as said before, i am an avid goal setter.

so ready or not... here they are!
1. to value knowledge: in the age of google, i have so much knowledge that i rarely pay heed to it.  i know refined sugar is bad, but i eat it. i know the great outdoors are a great healer, but i watch tv. i don't really value the knowledge that i have, otherwise i'd be living it.  so here's to valuing knowledge.

2. to value the Presence: i have been woman of great principles with excursions in & out of the Presence. i want to be a woman of His Presence, who rarely has to use her principles. nothing wrong with principles. they are there for when we can't hear but the ambition should never be to live by principles alone because they then becomes law. which leads me to my next resolution...

3. to live grace: the difference between law & grace isn't that law has commands & grace doesn't. grace has much harder commands.

"the law says sacrifice an animal on a certain day, grace says be perfect. the law says rest on the seventh day. grace says heal the sick & raise the dead." 

{bill johnson} 

it's not like one has commands & the other doesn't. the difference is that the law commands us to perform, to act a certain way. but with grace, when the command comes so does the Presence. and He comes to enable. it's the only way i can be perfect. the only way i can heal the sick & raise the dead. His presence enables, He performed. {romans 7* just in case there were any theological questions there} and to truly rest in grace, is life changing.

and last but certainly not least... and maybe it should be the even the first...

4. to be loved: to truly learn how to be the 'beloved'. to just be an object of His love. to see Him in a way i've never dared see Him. in all of His overwhelming affection towards me. and to really believe it.

and that's all. everything else will fall into place.

it's gonna be a good year marked by a revelation & experience of His love, His grace & His presence. and that deep well of knowledge bubbling up as tangible in all areas of my life.
happy early new year!

cheers to the goodlife!

my awesome friend & trainer, christena

so as you may remember a little while back, i sent in my goodlife success story with fingers crossed... and i won! thanks to all of the wonderful support from my lovely gym community! and a huge thank you to my trainer turned friend who pushed me through my crazy carb cravings & silly excuses, through the cruel aroma of fresh baked goods leaking through the gym vents from the bakery below, through sweat & tears & truckloads of hormones!  i couldn't have done it without her! i blush every time i look at the giant novelty sized check or my published story (especially the picture they chose... not my fav) but i feel so very encouraged to continue in my pursuit of health & wellness.  it wasn't easy but now 9 months postpartum after baby #4, the scale finally makes me smile & so do the four sweet little faces around the breakfast table as i plan each day to be more healthy & strong.  we are never done being better.  there is always a goal to reach for.  and i am ever so excited to continue the journey.
cheers to the goodlife!

here is the published version of the story!

and a little inspiration for those just starting out on their own journey... you can't possibly feel self-conscious at the gym after watching this! (that blue leotard is one of the main reasons i go to a women's only gym! yikes!) who knows, maybe my next contest should be a real contest like this... minus the unitards & choreography.

musical merriment

a home resounding with worship has always been a dream in the making for us {as you can read all about here}.  growing up my dad was a music teacher & we had every opportunity to learn just about any instrument our little hearts desired.  i flirted with a few instruments here & there but years later regret not making the most of that opportunity.  now being fully stocked with several instruments, it's time to pull that dream into reality.  it's never too late! my lovely hubby bought me a guitar this past birthday and other than dearly prizing the now frayed scrap of paper my sister scribbled down the cords to 'revelation song' on, i have not made much progress.  i could blame it on my delicate fingers, as anyone knows guitar is not for faint fingers.  i could blame it on never being able to find my favourite purple pick but that wouldn't be exactly true. the truth, i am a perfectionist & i hate not getting it perfect.  but i'll never progress unless i try right? it may never be perfect but it's purpose is not for me but the Lord... which consequently blesses me immensely. anyhoo, to help get us jump started we have signed up for guitar lessons and i am so excited!

here is a little picture of what it's like to learn an instrument in our house...
our lovely little duet!

a birthday boy & his dinosaurs {celebratory}

davith is three... well, actually he was three on january 13 but we didn't get around to celebrating it until this past week.  he decided he would like a "gween dinosaur party" & so that's what we did!

i am a big fan of tori spelling... well, let me qualify that... i am a big fan of her passion & creativity both in her mothering but also in her desire to celebrate.  that girl knows how to celebrate like i've never seen.  and why not?  there really are so many reasons to make a big thing out of nothing.  why not celebrate a gorgeous sunset by grabbing a hot chocolate & heading out to the backyard to warm by a winter campfire?  so many moment get ignored or pushed aside when they were put there for our enjoyment. celebrating the good & enjoying life to the fullest is a motto i would really love to embrace.  she's often talked about the traditions her parents started that she still carries close to her heart & are a hallmark of every celebration.  very heart warming accounts of the way they extravagantly poured out their creative resources to make every birthday, christmas, easter, you name it occasion, special.  they lavished each occasion with their love & talent.  it wasn't about the $, although i'm sure that helped.  it was about the soul they put into each. the care.  the detail.  the enjoyment of life. this is what i hope to be one day.  a celebratory connoisseur. 

so here's to celebrating life & my little boy whom is so well loved & his love of dinosaurs.  cheers to that!

healthy zucchini carrot cupcakes

three candles for my big boy!

fruit kebobs

scales

polka dots & eyes

we had dinosaur pancakes for dinner {really just pumpkin pancakes that were cut into the shape of a dinosaur by a sandwich cutter i got from dollarama}.  so i thought the pancake garnishes should be dino themed as well {scales, polka dots, toe nails, back plates & spikes & of course green whipping cream}.

dino toe nails {raisins}

back plates & spikes

a dinosaur restaurant

green whipping cream

fossil magnets

sand, paint brushes & dino skulls

tent turned into a cavern

davith loves making caves
with the couch cushions which
worked perfectly with our theme

goodie bags

adopt-a-dino: guests got to take home
their very own dinosaur

pterranadon nest {aka our nursery} complete with dino eggs & books
{really just a pile of blankies & balloons}

a huge thanks to all of the little & big people that made the occasion so special!

is that a parasauralofus saying happy birthday?
yes, yes it is!

legacy & ceilings

keys to the past

what is the difference between restoration, as both a historical & biblical concept, and romantisization or nostalga?  what instinctively make us want to return to the past?  to the golden age of our lives or history?  what have we left behind of value & use?  what did they work hard to pioneered, fought for or invent that we have overlooked and undervalued? what have we lost touch with and what have we gained?

i recently followed a historical documentary series entitled ‘victorian farm’. the series project required that three historians give up their modern day lives for one year and live as authentically as possible to 19^th century victorian custom & culture.

at the series end, they interviewed the three historians about the effect the experiment had had on them. it was life changing, eye-opening, transforming to say the least.

i was inspired & i began to ask questions.  how would it change my life perspective if my family had the opportunity to live in the victorian era?  how exactly would it transform us & our ideals?  how much is my family a product of the culture & era i currently live in?  how would our quality & purpose for life be altered? what would be restored in the process & what would be lost? 

we would leave behind convenience & obvious medical & technological advances, certain definitions of comfort & leisure.  but in order to accurately assess, one would have to carefully consider the yardstick by which one measures the quality of their own life, which is of course a very personal concept leading some to many differing conclusions.  

how would the fabric of my life, the very meaning & purpose, be changed?  identity closely formed around the necessity of our productiveness.  homemakers who literally make their homes with their own nimble, knowing hands.  character personified in the tarnished, calloused crease of tired fingers, the patient, fearless brow.  our heart's pride woven into a basket, dripping from a beeswax candle.  the self satisfaction that me & mine made this home.  we wove it together using our own knitting needles, the hum of our own sowing machines, kneaded by our own palms.  how much more creatively satisfied would we be?  art as a way of life instead of a hobby.  beauty & imagination blossom.  originality & function flourish.  abundance of conviction & drive, integrity to the family unit.  what would that add to sense of dignity & pride?  sense of resolve & identity?

and whatever happened to the lost art of savouring?  would i enjoy my toast & honey more if that honey came from the careful, tending of my own hive?

i look at the victorian era & i realize i am subjected to all kinds of luxuries that take away from quality of life… like tv, leisurely afternoon naps, skinny vanilla lattes, facebook.  i had always thought those things increased my quality of life but at closer look, i see that i have been sucked into the complacency or habit of these daily routines. as separate once-in-a-while, special events they are wonderfully enjoyable but as they have become habitual entitlement, i have allowed them to steal my contentment when i don't get them.  i am spoiled by them.  spoiled to appreciate or be grateful or just be happy with what i have.  always on a quest for more, for special, for extraordinary & loath the ordinary, the same.  qualifying my happiness by a belief that i can't enjoy this day unless it was better than yesterday. addicted to a constant quest of self-coddling, self-indulgence.  making myself feel good, feel fulfilled by empty things.  materialism that robs, that rusts the soul.  when leisure becomes so much a part of an everyday expectation, we loose respect for it. we loose enjoyment of it. we loose the fulfillment it was intended to provide.  we loose the moments.  how many times have i bought into the lie that leisure will restore my soul?  there is only One that restores.

what does entertainment mean to me? seeing the victorian folk all gather in community to tune instruments before a lively dance or fellowship over quilted cotton looms makes me realize that most of my entertainment is a lonely activity usually incased in a dark movie theatre & drizzled with butter.  what do i live for, what do i wait & want for, look forward to & protect?  will i settle for a glass of wine & a good movie at the end of the day?  will that be enough?  is that what i live for?   my self-centred, pampered, indulgent life?

there seems to be missing a push, a drive, a simplicity, a self-dignity, a being needed-ness in our modern lives.  would discontentment, depression & disorders & syndromes be so prevalent if we could know the gift of working with our hands? when good old fashioned elbow grease is replaced by dishwashers, chainshaws, mp3 players & blogs, we loose relationship & community.  we loose who we are when we no longer know how to relate to our other.  there is a completeness that can only happen through fellowship, through relating.  when individual autonomy is valued more than community, both are robbed.  the community inspires & sharpens the individual, just as the individual defines & enriches the community.

the past. what makes us look back?  why can’t the past be the past? we excavate it, study it,  preserve it, bring it back to life, re-live or live the past again and again, history’s story.  can we enhance it? build on it instead of just forgetting it, loosing it, letting it decay in the grave? how do we withstand the currents of time or cultural assimilation? how do we progress in our pilgramage forward with losing our past progress?  without cutting our life giving roots off? 

harvest time

i believe biblical restoration is more than just nostalgia, more than just the fear of our ever corrupting society,  more than just romanticizing. it is a righteous dissatisfaction.  restoration is not preserving or freezing the old.  it is the old as new.  it is a very real conundrum. a return to the original intent & yet a calling into the future of things we have never seen before.  restoration, not like salvaging an old piece of furniture.  it is something alive & new and yet has been laid in the hearts of men before time.  it is not a dusting off doctrinal conviction.  no, that's just religious fervency.  it is the very breath of God speaking now for our time, our life.  the time has come to live life to the fullest.  the fullest of then & the fullest of now.  restoration,  not a retreating back to the days of old but boldly moving forward, confronting, creating & calling the future into now & yet never giving up on that original vision, that creative word. their floor our ceiling.  

my 'goodlife' story

i was revising my submission to the 'GoodLife' success story contest & i began to reflect on just how much the decision to get healthy, get fit has truly changed my life.  now one day overdue with my fourth child, i look back at how long & hard the quest for healthiness has been but also how worthy the cause.  this pregnancy has truly been a testimony of what a few seemingly small yet consistent changes can do for a person & one's family.  because of one small step, just committing to the gym 3 times a week, it led to so many other small steps which have changed everything.  contrasting my first pregnancy & my last has been a truly fulfilling experience.  thank the Lord i am still able to workout three times a week, feel great & still trying to make healthy diet choices {most of the time :)}.  i know there are many ways of arriving at healthiness, and i am not necessarily promoting 'GoodLife' or vainly giving myself a pat on the back.  i certainly haven't arrived yet.  i am just not where i used to be. and so i just share this story as an encouragement.  it's never too late to change.  there will always be excuses, legitimate reasons but one's commitment & dedication to change is what makes the difference.  i included my success story below if you're interested in the details.  i hope to submit it this week... fingers crossed!  

***********

During my first pregnancy, I gained over 60lbs, which is outside the healthy weight gain during pregnancy.  I had never really taken care of myself before getting pregnant, and I thought it was definitely too late to take care of myself when I was pregnant.  Friends and family had always encouraged me to eat what I wanted and as much as I liked as I was “eating for two” which was a myth that I easily bought into.  It was not unusual for me to eat a whole cake in one sitting. As a result, I was quite lethargic and battled with the general discomforts of pregnancy like back pain and mobility. I found it difficult to stand for long periods, I stayed inside in front of the t.v. a great deal of the time and struggled with insomnia, depression & self-image.  I hated the way I looked.  Every pound I gained just made me feel worse about myself and my pregnancy which led me to feel more depressed which led me to eat more. It was cyclical. I just kept telling myself I would work hard after to loose the pounds.  But inside, I was very afraid of becoming just like others, who after having kids never lost the weight and continued gain unhealthily as a coping mechanism.  I had definitely inherited some unhealthy thinking & unhealthy habits from my past.  I had always been a slimmer person before pregnancy but definitely not a healthy person and I knew having a baby would end the slimmer stage of my life if I didn’t make some changes. 

Four months after my son was born, I joined an outdoor bootcamp which helped me work off some of the post-baby weight.  It was perfect.  It ran from 6-7am in a nearby park.  I could get my workout & be home before my son woke up.  While still enrolled in bootcamp, I found out I was pregnant with twins.  I was excited, but a bit disappointed to lose all of my progress.  I was referred to a wonderful personal trainer at GoodLife.  I was surprised to find out that I could not only exercise, but also get in shape safely with my trainer’s guidance.  I only gained 55lbs, which is less than my first pregnancy, & I was pregnant with twins!  I soon found out that my initial goal of just keep the weight gain at a minimum was soon transformed into a whole new world of possibility.  Now it wasn’t just about how I looked but as my trainer began to not just train but educate me on my health, I realized it was a lot more about my overall health and about the example I set for my kids.  I had always gone above & beyond to make sure my son ate healthy but he was getting to the age where “do as I say and not as I do” just wasn’t going to work.  I felt like such a hypocrite.   I would never allow him to eat cake or chips & watch t.v. but here I was doing just that. I knew I had to make some drastic changes to my eating habits & activity level.  I also knew the physical demand once the twins were born was going to be overwhelming especially since my first wasn’t even 1 ½ yet.  I needed to be better, better for them.  It wasn’t just about me anymore. 

So we got down to business. My personal trainer taught me specific stretches and exercises that increased my stamina and prepared me for labour & beyond.  I had more energy than with my first pregnancy, felt less lethargic, and felt better overall, both mentally and physically.  Any back pain or discomfort we worked out through stretches and strengthening exercises.  My posture improved while my belly grew.  My trainer gave me advice and accountability regarding my eating patterns and prevented me from returning to bad habits of the past.  The emotional support I received from the general community of the gym was amazing and boosted my self confidence.  I worked out three times a week right up until two days before my scheduled c-section at 39 weeks.

After giving birth to two beautifully healthy babies, weighing 6.6lbs & 7.6lbs, I was back to the gym six weeks after my c-section.  Getting back into a routine definitely helped both emotionally and physically with the challenges of raising three young children.  I quickly recovered and began losing weight, which I can only attribute to having exercised during my pregnancy.  My doctor had told me to expect to lose half a pound a week.  Instead, I began to lose two to three pounds a week.  Going to the gym not only helped me to get much needed time for myself, but has helped me be a better mother.  Not only am I modeling better behaviour for my kids by eating right and exercising, but I am refreshed and renewed by having and accomplishing my own goals.  I could not have done it without my trainer and the rest of the staff and clients at GoodLife. The support has been outstanding.  I never dreamed I could feel or look this good.  I feel like a new person both inside & out!  Thank-you GoodLife & Christina, for helping me give my kids the irreplaceable gift of a healthy future & a healthy mom.  You have changed our lives forever!

UPDATE:  I found out in December (2010) that I am expecting our fourth child!  With only 32 months between our first & our fourth child, I have never felt more empowered or equipped to tackle the challenge with confidence & vigorous dedication to the “GoodLife”. 

my first pregnancy {40 weeks}

second pregnancy: with twins...
& still smaller than my first
{39 weeks}

third pregnancy {39 weeks}
i'll have to take a better picture
now that i am officially 40 weeks

* note to anyone interested in joining GoodLife... your membership is free if you volunteer in the child minding

where children sleep

well before i had any children of my own, i was a teacher. and well before i was a teacher, i was a lover of cool kids stuff. and so, i started collecting. collecting clothes, hairbands, books, room decor, ideas...you name it! if i really liked it, i bought it, and stored it for many, many years. and now i am enjoying my little storehouse of neurotically collected cool kids stuff. steve thinks i am nuts... but never regretted the perfect thing at the perfect time!

and this is one of those things that i will put in the storehouse for when my kids are little bit older but love the idea of what this beautifully creative picture book has attempted to accomplish. 'where children sleep' by james mollison is a photographic story of diverse children told through portraits & pictures of their bedrooms. as a bedroom is a significant part of childhood & can reflects much of who we are & where we came from, this unique & yet touching collection of photographs is intended to engage children ages 9-13 as well as adults. this depiction of details of children's lives around the world is quite moving, addressing social issues & children's rights. i hope to show this to my kids one day as a way of opening their eyes to the world around them & helping them put their own lives into perspective. to use as a conversation starter about our western self-centeredness, change & gratitude, in a sensitive atmosphere where my kids can draw their own conclusions & convictions. there is a preview of the photos online which you can view by clicking here.

blind obedience: part II

Children make the best theorists since they have not yet been educated into accepting our routine social practices as 'natural', and so insist in posing to those practices the most embarrassingly general and fundamental questions, regarding them with such wondering engagement, which we adults have long forgotten. Since they do not yet grasp our social practices as inevitable, they do not see why we might not do things differently.
- Terry Eagleton "Theory as Liberatory Practice"

after my recent shocking discovery, i got to thinking. what else have i just naively woven into the fabric of my life without question? i don't question out of a cynical spirit but out of a healthy desire for ownership & understanding of why i do the things i do and what the full picture looks like. i want to know where i am going & why. why do we break bread? how do i separate tradition & ritual from my concept of kingdom? what is water baptism? what is the baptism of the holy spirit? what is salvation? what is what do these concepts look like when they are brought to life in everyday life on both the macro level of international politics to the micro level of my toddler's dinner plate? i have suddenly come to the realization that i absolutely believe in these things as more than just dry concepts and as a life giving necessities, but i would struggle to articulate them to my two year old. it pushes one to probe deeper and own & understand it for oneself in such a way as to be able to expand the meaning of water baptism to bring insight on the global stage as well as to our bottom stair otherwise known as timeout. i am excited by the prospect that we have have not even begun to unpack or experience the reality of the revelation of the kingdom in all of it's fullness in the everyday life of the family. i feel like we're on the cusp of something big here. no more nice, christian families but powerful, thriving expressions of god's love on even the smallest, most mundane level. there are no mere homemakers. just strong, zealous citizens of the kingdom passionately making way for the king. it's the small being worked into the big, the yeast worked into the bread that causes it to rise. seeming little families effecting big change on the world's stage for the king & his kingdom.

rest your head

before having kids, both steve and i really wanted to be intentional about our parenting. now that we have three soon to be four kids, i find the hardest time to be intentional during the day is during our bedtime routine. i had always dreamt of singing sweet songs, declare God's promises, having a cuddle while reading stories & bringing the word of God alive for our kids. it often has the potential to be a chaotic, rush to the end of the day where all of us are exhausted & just want to pack it in for the night. i recently decided to take the bull by the horns and be a little more intentional during this time. and so while looking for songs to sing other than skinimeriky-dinky-doo, i stumbled across this beautiful lullaby.

Sleep & Dreams - Charlie Hall

Close your eyes, it's time to sleepThe day is done and it's the time to breathe and dream

I pray that bands of angels fill your room
And the songs of God would come consume you

Rest your head on hallelujahs
Rest your head on all God is
Rest your head the day is done
And now it's time to sleep

Put your mind on things above
Let your heart be filled with faith and hope and love

i feel like i need to sing this to myself every night, never mind the kids! what a fantastic way to end the day... full of peace, perspective & expectation!

this one is a keeper for sure!

a turkish rock band in the making...

before any of our little winkles were born, steve & i kept a running list of things that we wanted to define our family. things that would be hallmarks of our home, a vision of sorts. one of those hallmarks was to have a home that rang with music. i had always grown up in a musical home but only ever taking the opportunity to learn the flute. steve had only ever played the sax in high school. steve described a friend's home once, that so inspired me. the room that would have traditionally housed the t.v. had this really big antique optometrist chair that had belonged to their grandfather. it was surrounded by just about every instrument imaginable. but that wasn't the inspiring part. it was that that sat down every night and jammed away together. they didn't waste the hours away zoned out to the t.v. they created, together. i just love that picture. now steve's friend is in a fairly popular turkish rock band. not that i have dreams of our kids becoming turkish rock stars, that's not the point. it's about a family with something else as it's centre other than the t.v.

and so it got me thinking. there are so many instruments that i wish i had learned when i was younger like the piano, the drums or the violin... just to name a few. but i think it was c.s. lewis that said it's never too late to set a new goal or dream a new dream. with that in mind, it dawned on me that it may not be too late to learn any of those instruments. we could even learn the same time as the kids.

what got me really excited about all this is, tonight steve came home with a guitar! our first instrument! a prophetic investment in our family vision. still lots of work ahead but so looking forward to it. tonight i got my old flute out & steve strummed away and the kids danced & grooved & giggled. we don't really know what we're doing yet but they don't seem to mind. thank-you Lord for these incredible opportunities!

*on a side note: here is a little footage of our little turkish rock band in the making...