parenting & the determined

everyone tried to warn me. tried to articulate the extreme tensions & intense emotional spasms that were on my horizon when i first got pregnant. 'don't worry' they said. 'don't worry. you may never wear anything but pajamma pants for the rest of your life but you'll survive'. but i wouldn't listen. i thought they were all neigh-sayers & negative nellies trying to rob the most glorious fairy tale that the experience would be for me.

they weren't wrong. but they weren't right either.

parenting is not for the faint of heart nor the weak of will. it is the most difficult thing i will ever cultivate in my life. it is so intrinsically apart of me now that i cannot separate when it ends & i begin.

initially, with my flippantly, overconfident first-timer attitude, parenting was something i wore on the outside. a mostly exterior experience that fit into a neat & tidy compartment. something i did & was, just by rights of having a child. something i could still idealize with, flaunt & control. and then i had the twins & parenting tried to creep into the deepest of depths of my soul. it found things in there that i didn't even know existed. it started messing with all my emotions & leaking all over my leg in seepy, soiled diapers, darkened the bags under my eyes. it came skulking for me in the night.  taunting me sometimes all day & all night with the need for change. and then the utter chaos of parenting overtook me entirely with the birth of my last cherished babe.

they weren't wrong to warn me. but they weren't right either. i will not be merely a survivor of parenting like the rest of the lot. the long days & dark night aren't just there to survive... they are there as a gift of growth. like a spur in my tender side, they are there to train & test me into thriving, not just as a parent, but as a great many things. for what is parenting but pursuing transformation & change in the heart of every untouched, hidden emotion & motivation. it has been the greatest audit & inventory i have ever know.

never has there been such a universal experience that so adamently demands the brand of patience made out of wrought iron and holiness produced from so much flesh purging. but i am resolute that the gut wrenching contraction upon contraction of excruciatingly monotony of everyday pandemonium in familial life will give birth to something in me. i am nothing that i thought i was at the start. i fall short everyday of the woman i want to be. the woman i can & will be one day. but that is what why the determined will see the fruit of their labours.

it's like panning for gold. scatter amount the debri of everyday chaos is sprinkled gold dust. hidden in the burnt boiled egg dinner disaster is a little treasure of who i am & who they are becoming.

and i wouldn't miss that adventure for the world. :)

the gospel mean and wild.

"it is by warfare the soul makes progress." 

{abba john the dwarf}

"it is the essence of the sin of the garden to re-imagine God as the mythical tolerant god." 

{dean waldt}

the more my kids develop as individuals, the less useful i find gospel presentation. those cute little Bible board books & flannel graphs, although have their place, have become increasingly limited in their redeeming power as my kids age. more and more i find my fingers scrambling for tools of gospel application. time for them to meet the real person. the real power and truth. Jesus.

"it is a spiritual gift from God for man to perceive his sin."

{st. isaac of syria}

with a constant tornado of evolving carnality needing to be diffused, i find myself ill equipped in really digging to the eye of the storm or the root of the problem. they were born in a clump. and their issues seem to clump and interweave and feed each other so you don't know when one ends and the other starts. sibling grappling, truth spinning, boisterously brilliant self-expression, they keep me on my toes. instead of the clear communication of "no" to their brother, they catapult their message from the banisher high dive landing their feelings in a graceful bellyflop on top of their unsuspecting sibling. instead of coming clean right away with the truth that they had indeed pinched their sister's bottom to get a reaction, they spin an elaborate story about how their fingers, possessed with injustice, took it upon themselves to sheriff the situation and how they really had no control at all in making them stop.  they have creatively re-invented discipline into discipleship for me. taken the words punishment & penalty from me and inserted equipping but costly consequential life, learning. i am not raising mindless lemmings and my goal is not obedience.  it's to know Jesus. uncut, unedited and in full. Jesus redeemer & rule breaker. Jesus, the untamable God.  

" on the whole, i do not find christians, outside of the catacombs, sufficiently sensible of conditions. does anyone have the foggiest idea of what sort of power we so blithely invoke? or, as i suspect, does no one believe a word of it?" 

{anne dillard}

"woe to the person who smoothly, flirtatiously, commandingly, convincingly preaches some soft, sweet something which is supposed to be christianity!"

 {soren kierkegaard}

i don't just want to keep my kids in line or keep them from making mistakes & spilling milk. kid's are professional mistake makers and this is how they learn. i want to be more about the motivation and less about the don'ts. more about that complicated but tremendous muscle, the heart. less about the surface observation of improper behaviour. but this is a tall, tall task, one with no match to it's intensity. until i realized, Jesus is not some passive meek person. He was kind and good but He was also dangerous & unpredictable. our christian culture has emasculated Him. watered Him down to some trickling brook not the earth trembling, tsunami that He is.

"at first i thought, it's ok. nothing bad is going to happen. a few seconds later the wave hit the road, and i thought, now i die." 

{tiina seppanen, tsunami survivor}

maybe it is just the beginning of summer transition. maybe it is just their combined ages, i'll never know.  but i have found myself upping the anti around here. instead of a sweet, sensible talk about lying being unkind, i find myself intensely describing that lying is like playing for the other team. satan's team. it's dressing in clothes that are not God's and it's helping the other team score a goal. so which jersey are you going to wear, which team are you playing for? or instead of a repeated discussion about the choices we have been making, the story of one of the wilkins' infamous uncles who could not abide within the parameters of the reasonable law & always had to have it his way, and decided he just did not want to get along with anybody and he now spends his days a small cage called prison, with no friends or fellowship, gross food and no choices left to make because they had all been taken away from him. do you want to follow him? and when i look into their saucer-sized eyes, i can see it. i can see the gospel being worked into their consciousness & growing into conviction. and although this may seem a bit much to an outsider looking in, it is the yeast getting worked into the dough. it is the kingdom becoming beautiful revelation to them.

"we are fonder of consolations than we are the cross."

 {teresa of avila}

and sometimes the kingdom does come with the whisper of a prayer or the cuddle of comforting psalm but sometimes it also comes with a crashing confronting force. you cannot have one without the other. He is not a cuddly, soft blanket anymore than He is a raging wild fire here to consume it all. He is equipping just as much as He is demanding. He is more than our fluffy board books. more than our sing-songs. more than we can imagine. and i don't want to forget that, as parent or as their sister in Christ, who is only two tiny steps ahead of them on this journey of sanctification.

this is the beginning of the good news of Jesus.
this is the gospel mean and wild.

she sings to me...

i am prone to anger. if there were one emotion that i found it difficult to not be overtaken by it would be that one.

and when i get frustrated, i get so angry it boils over & fills the house like a terrifying roar.

i have been frustrated for long time now. it had all seemingly stemmed out of some of the post-partum struggles i had written about. and then just crept in & taken over my garden like a vicious weed sometime after that.  i had tried to fight the urge to explode but if i kept my mouth shut it steamed out my eye sockets! there just didn't seem to be a victorious way to control my temper. and with four little-ing, one whopping lifestyle change with mounds & mounds of unearth-able stress on top, there has been no shortage of legitimate reasons to spontaneously combust.

and then after a shameful incident, i couldn't ignore it anymore. i wasn't trying to ignore it before. i just didn't know what to do or how to stop yelling. i just looked into my youngest eyes & she was frightened & i broke into a million pieces that felt like they could never go back together again. how did i get here? i asked myself. i am an overwhelmed, overworked mother of four youngsters who cannot keep her voice under control. and my hopelessness swelled.

and so i prayed because there had been nothing else to help. i had read the books. locked myself in the bathroom for timeouts. counted to ten. tried to talk in whispers & i just couldn't control myself. and so i prayed a tearful prayer of repentance & i broke it open before the Lord & asked him to help me.

and then i picked myself off the floor, didn't even bother to wipe the tears from my cheeks & walked down the hall to see to the screaming balls of children at the end of the hall. i silently separated them onto their beds & decided to try to reflect on what to do next while repairing eva's closet doors which wouldn't stay in their tracks properly. i think my silence scarred the kids more than if i had yelled for some reason. and eva who had been placed on her bed, was listening to my deep, deep sighs as i fiddled with the broken hardware of her closet door & she just started singing. she said, she knew just the song to make me feel better & sang away! and i felt the mounds of pent up pressure inside fizzle out & peace drift in. it was a sweet little song about how much Jesus loves me & how i don't have to be frustrated because He's so wonderful. it was slightly off tune & ranged from a soft whisper to a starling howl but it was anointed.

she does it all the time now. sings. often when she thinks i'm frustrated (even if she mistakes hard work for frustration... i don't mind), she just start belting it out. and i can't help but smile & let go of whatever emotion is all tangled up inside... exhaustion, anxiety, worry, frustration... all gone at the sound of that little voice offering her praise to up to Jesus.

it was & is a supernatural answer to my prayer. i can't even really explain why it has helped so much. it just has.

now i carry that song with me, even when she is not. :)
"i love Jesus because He don't get frustrated with me!"

playing with your food

they say the best way to get your kids to eat healthy is to eat healthy yourself. and that has been a challenge for my choco-cheese-aholic self. i usually manage to just not eat in front of them.  between running kids to the potty, repeatedly asking them to sit on their bums & cleaning up spilt milk, i don't usually have a free hand or mouth to eat anyways.

i'm not sure if it's the different stages they are at currently but dinnertime is fight. they're not usually big evening eaters anyhow but lately just getting the two-bite minimum has been a challenge. and so i have resorted to playing with our food. i know, not the best table manners but when a spear of asparagus suddenly into junior the asparagus, an entire bunch of asparagus vanishes! or when a pomegranate transforms into ruby pirate treasure & daddy-pirate wants his treasure back, suddenly all the rubies are safely hidden in their tummies. and when daddy-bear smells that they've been eating salmon, well, a bear chases almost always ensues. :)

i think dinnertime, for us anyways, has been a challenge for more than just the 'what's-for-dinner' reason. i think we're all tired. all ready for bed & hungry to boot. the kids have been busy. we've been busy all day & then we all come home & collide for dinner. so when dinnertime becomes playtime, we all have a much more peaceful, fun-filled evening. it gives the kids the nutrition they need to stay healthy & the much needed time with mum & dad & each other.  i am shocked at some of the things they've tried 'accidentally' while playing & have now grown to love & demand at dinnertime.

and even the mummy occasionally gets drawn into eating my veggies too.

crazy noise

our house is noisy.  loud.  deafening at times.   but it is amazing to me how noise transforms based on how i perceive it.  with so much noise in our house, it has been a necessary key to survival.  when i can hear crying as training or the incessant 'mommy! mommy!' as 'i love you' or the shrieking as learning to communicate my entire experience is transformed.
but for the days when my tolerance is dwindling for the loud crazy noise, i have been trying to help them channel some of that noise.  here is one of my absolute favourite resources at the moment. we have both the mp3 & the dvd.  the dvd is a great way to get out some of their pent up energy... and those dance moves, just adorable! and if the dvd isn't accessible, we can break out into song just about anywhere and "make a crazy, crazy joyful noise... a wacky, silly, funny noise that you enjoy!"

and for quieter nights i love this too. davith usually listens to this cd while falling asleep.  they have amazing testimonials on their website of kids who suffered from night terrors sleeping soundly through the night or kids with behaviour challenges finally being at peace.  it is amazing the profound effect & power of scripture.  i must admit, i turn davith's cd player on a little louder than usual when steve is away so that i can hear this as i fall asleep.  i loved it so much i bought volume II.

battling selfishness

another excerpt from jean flemming's "a mother's heart", a follow up to "mother's rights?"...

"to be selfish means being "concerned chiefly or only with oneself, without regard for the well-being of others."  selfishness attacks all of us.  we may face shortages of natural resources, jobs, and food; but we never lack selfishness.  and now needs to learn selfishness because it comes naturally...
... sometimes a child's need interrupt my bath, reading a good book, a sewing project, or an interesting phone call.   the interruption may be in the form of tears, a bloody nose, an argument, a piercing scream or an explosion into the back bedroom.  whatever form it takes, i resent it.
how often i've resented these violations of my "rights", when i should have thanked God that I could be there when my children had a need.  recently i found a diary page i wrote during a time of discouragement some years ago.  my complaint was entitles, "what bothers me about being a mother"

1. the demands on my time
2. serving them over & over
3. never finishing my work
4. i'm frustrated by not knowing how to handle problems {should i discipline or comfort, make them play alone or do something with them?}
5. no time for my interests

throughout the years, when my children were still at home, these five complaints continued to pinpoint most of the struggles i faced.  perhaps you can identify with me.  but have you noticed that four out of five of these complaints are "me-centred"?  only number four is truly concerned with doing what is right for them.
but learning how to love others as Christ has loved us means putting the needs of others above our own."

mother's rights?

for whatever reason i have found that motherhood has aggravated a disproportionate amount of anger in me.  i wasn't sure until now exactly what it was.  it's this weird paradox of loving motherhood & my babies but i am so suddenly angry sometimes.  you know those moments where the only way you are getting to go to the bathroom today is with a clingy toddler on your lap, or the second you finally nod off to sleep after an exhausting day and a baby stirs & demands more attention, or as you go to take the first & only bite of your own lunch & your toddler screams "more! more! me hungry!".  in moments like these, there is a not so silent voice inside me that screams, "what about ME! i am a person too!"

i found this little nugget of wisdom in jean flemings "a mother's heart", a book which i am constantly returning to & culling out more wisdom.  it has really helped me work through some of those 'moments'. that's not to say that we shouldn't get time to ourselves, or prioritize our own health as we all know this is a necessary part of a healthy, happy home.  but it is after all of the proactive, planned mummy time, when those unavoidable moments arise & someone dare demands something else of you, that we die to self.  die to our own rights.

"our society does not easily identify with Jesus' example of giving up His rights.  instead we assert our rights: women's rights, gay rights, children's rights, minority rights... new categories are constantly being added to the list.
mothers, too, grasp for their rights, but sometimes they find their capacity to love is dissipated by their firm resolve to protect those rights.  a mother in one cartoon is seen tacking up a sign: "mother goes off duty at 8pm".  that seems fair enough, doesn't it?  after all, who has longer hours than a mother?  should we perhaps organize or unionize to ensure our right to some time off?

the world urges us, "assert yourself," "fulfill yourself," "liberate yourself," "please yourself," "satisfy yourself."  but Jesus says, "die to yourself."  it seems like a step backward.  our lives are to be sacrificed for others, not in some sort of melodramatic martyr complex, but in following the daily challenge of Christ's example.  listen to Jesus' words:

"i tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. but if it dies, it produces many seeds.  the man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." {john 12:24-25}

Christ commands us to love even as He loves. "my command is this: love each other as i have loved you.  greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends {john 15:12-13}.  love is laying down our lives for others... to love is to die. when most of us think of dying for someone, a dramatic picture usually comes to mind. perhaps you envision yourself leaping in front of a friend to take a bullet intended for him... certainly these are examples of love, but Jesus calls us to a way of dying that is less romantic.  each day we  have numerous opportunities to live for others and not ourselves... perhaps the ability to truly enjoy one another comes in proportion to the unselfishness of our love."

tooth & teeth alike

in honour of dental awareness month & livi's first tooth, davith & a few of his little friends went to a free dental screening this week that ottawa public health was putting on to educate parents on appropriate dental hygiene for kids age 0-5.  i must admit, i had no idea up to this point what 'appropriate dental hygiene' was for a toddler or a baby for that matter.  well i was schooled! here are some of the fun facts & cool little tips/strong advice that they gave us:

did you know...

• plaque grows in the baby's mouth even before the first tooth erupts
• baby teeth are not just practice teeth: they are important for eating, talking, smiling & holding a place for healthy adult teeth
• begin flossing once a day when your child has teeth that are touching
• do not put your baby's soother or spoon in your mouth; this will pass bacteria that cause cavities
• you should no use any kind of toothpaste {even flouride free} until the age of 3 when your child can spit it out.  using it before then will only develop bad habits for the future.  for children under 3, just use water with toothbrush or a wet facecloth to clean teeth & gums.
• as soon as teeth appear, you should brush twice a day, but brushing before bed is the most important as bacteria has longer to fester through the night
• if you can't brush, rinse your mouth with water, eat a piece of cheese {which has sugar busting enzymes} or chew a piece of sugar free gum
• juice is a BIG no, no.  it does not have the fibre that fruit does & is basically just a tall glass of sugar.
• limit sweets or sugary foods to special occasions and only serve them at mealtime.  the increase flow of saliva during a meal helps wash away & dilute sugars.
• choose snack that are nutritious & unsweetened.  healthy foods are good for both your dental & general health
• continue to help your child brush until the age of 8
• give your baby water to drink in a plastic cup when he or she can sit up alone
• only give children water or milk to drink
• your baby's first visit to the dentist should be around the age of 3, unless you see brown or white spots during your monthly cavity check {just flip baby' lips to look at gums & teeth once monthly}
• the best way to brush your child teeth is to lay them on a bed or couch with their head in your lap facing up at you, turn a two minute timer on & brush using the correct technique {back & forth on tops, circles on the outside, flick outwards on the inside}.  make it a fun, bonding moment by singing songs {like 'one little, two little, three little sugar bugs..." or 'you wake up in the morning & it a quarter to 8, you brush your teeth...'}

these pretty much sum it up...
and this health minute is brought to you by grover


this could be taking it a little far... maybe try brushing your hair?!

the big red button

the BIG red button.  we all have one.  located right in the centre of our chests given with a blinking red light begging to be pushed.  and our children are little red button pushing experts.

the BIG red button: any parenting pet peeves really {whining, tantrums, sibling rivalry, a messy room, any non-compliance, irresponsibility, disobedience or disrespect... take your pick, the list is long & limitless}

when a child hits the big red button, we loose control. it makes us go crazy! it's in moments like these, i realized i needed some equipping. i needed a language, a way of interacting with my kids that is empowering, where they understand what i am trying to say. i have found it helpful to have a little bank of phrases ready to roll on the tip of my tongue and shift my brain into neutral. no rise of boiling anger needed. no heightened emotion or volume. just a calm, cool response. this is crucial, as i know all to well, when my child is upset, out of control, looking for my buttons, the best friend i have is a thinking brain. i have all to often given over the control of my emotional life to my 2 year old toddler. it's time to get back control over myself, time to stay away from the emotional cesspool and be able to think, to be the adult. time to disconnect the BIG red button.  phrases that i have personally found helpful in creating a mental pause for myself, preventing the inevitable rocket launch, have been some of the following: no thank-you, you have the freedom to make a poor choice or wise choice here..., nice try, fun or no fun?{the no fun option is room time}, you choose or i choose, that's ok you've made your choice.  they are like tongue tattoos, ready at a moments notice. a soft answer turns away wrath, my own wrath that is.  it's just a parent grabbing control of herself instead of a parent attempting to control a child.  sadly, we cannot control our kids.  we can certainly try but that usually ends in frustration.  control was never meant to be the goal.  the goal was to give them a well put together role model for whom they can model their own lives after if they wish to.  the goal is to teach & to train them how to manage themselves.  and they can only do that, if i give them the tools to do so.  a picture of what that looks like, from our own lives.

disconnecting the BIG red button, disconnect the ability of any other person to control our quality of life starts with what is going on inside.  whether it's your kids, an inconsiderate friend or family member, it all works the same.  guard your mind & guard your tongue.  i find how i see things in my minds eye, greatly affects my emotional response.  providing a context is crucial.  a context like how does God see this person?  every time i ask that question, my heart melts instantly.  love quickly disarms anger or frustration. love conquers all.     

this is the house that love built

i've been thinking a lot lately about the role that love has in my mothering.  i recently found this paraphrase of 1 corinthians 13 from jean fleming's {a mother's heart}.

if i keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating, but do not love in my family - i'm just another housewife.
if i'm always producing lovely things - sewing, art; if i always look attractive, and speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family - i am nothing.
if i'm busy in community affairs, teach sunday school, and drive in the carpool, but fail to give adequete love to my family - i gain nothing.
love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes - over and over again.
love is kind, though tired and frazzled.
love doesn't envy another wife - one whose children are "spaced" better, or in school so she has time to pursue her own interests.
love doesn't try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother.
love doesn't scream at the kids.
love doesn't feel cheated because i didn't get to do what i wanted to do today - sew, read, soak in a hot tub.
love doesn't assume that my children are being naughty just because their noise level is irritating.
love doesn't rejoice when other people's children misbehave and make mine look good.  love is genuinely happy when others are honoured by their children.

it cuts right to the heart.  ouch!
all is empty without love.   all is empty without love. all is empty without love.   all is life sucking, soul draining without love.  love is the meaning, the reason. love endures all things.
i will have to meditate on this one daily i think.

Lord, teach me how to build this house out of love not out of competition, selfishness, frustration, martyrdom or any other man made concept.  teach me how to love like you do.

playful parenting

one of my favourite times of day, is just after baths & just before bed, daddy {aka steve} gets down on the floor with all three of them & roughhouses until they are exhausted... or, let's be honest, until he is exhausted!  the kids love it!  i love it!  seeing them all bounce with glee, each feeling a special kind of daddy-bond every time it is their turn to be catapulted across the room.  hearing the ridiculous giggles as he chases them under pillows & over cushions. it is truly wonderful to watch as a mother & a wife. a nightmare to watch as a house cleaner/bedtime calmer-downer but that's besides the point.  memories in the making is the point!

with daddy being away this week, i can tell the kids miss not only their daddy but roughhousing.  it's when they started head butting couches & throwing themselves off stairs, that i thought to myself, we are in desperate need of a little roughhousing around here. there are things only a good ol' fashioned roughhousing romp can remedy and so i took matters into my own hands... literally. i revisited a previous post & the art of roughhousing for a little creative inspiration.  here are a few moves we've been "practicing" to show daddy upon his return:

the greek catapult

the balloonist

   

flying fox & the houdini

mattress rafting

*note: i'm really not doing these moves justice with out their accompanying stories from 'the art of roughhousing'.  check it out!  it really is a neat little resource.

mothers are ditches

what does God expect from me as a mother? i know what i expect of myself as a mother: my ideals, my impossible vision of perfection.  i am pretty clear on what society expects from me as a mother, in varying capacities.  but i have never stopped to ask what God might expect from me.  what is His ideal picture?  what is my part in raising this child & what is God's?  it is often quoted, "unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain" {psalm 127:1}.  and yet it is also simultaneously true that "the wise woman builds her home, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down" {proverbs 14:1}.

i have been meditating in 2 kings recently over the story of king joram.  shortly after displacing evil king ahab from the throne, king joram began a journey to address some issues he was having with king mesha of moab.  a week into his travels, joram & his allies ran out of water. in desperation they sought the Lord's help.  and as He does, God answered them through a prophetic word from Elisha.  this is what he said:

"make this valley full of ditches. for this is what the Lord says: 

you will see neither wind nor rain, yet this valley will be filled with water,

and you, your cattle & your other animals will drink.

this is an easy thing is the eyes of the Lord"

 {2 kings 3:16-18}

God in His mercy & grace, gave Joram & his allies the opportunity to collaborate with Him.  their part was the ditch digging, which is hard, sweat-of-the-brow, unromantic work.  but they became a part of the miracle: water filled those ditches & Moab was defeated.  

mothering is like ditch digging.  as mothers we can do everything in our power to influence & shape our children into strong faith filled individuals.  we can toil & strive all we like but unless the Lord is in it, it is just fruitless, sweaty effort.   we can expose them to every beneficial opportunity, teach them right from wrong, read them every life changing book available, pray for them incessantly, live the christian life before them.  but only God can give them spiritual life.  God doesn't need our help, but by His grace He chooses to include us, inviting us to actively take part, to collaborate with Him as He works in their lives. i can only point to the One who is my life source, i cannot be that life source nor can i force them to accept Him as their life source.  unless God works, my best efforts are in vain.  i cannot accomplish anything of eternal or spiritual value in my home or in the lives of my children without Him.  we can dig the ditches, but only He can fill them.

i read a story once of a frightened little girl who calls her mother repeatedly to her bedside.  her mother, exasperated, says, "sweetheart, mummy told you already you don't need to be frightened; God is with you." "i know," the little girl replied, "but i need someone here with skin on."

i am the skin.  i dig the ditches. 

this is a surprising relief to me.  the heavy weight of striving abolished.  no longer living tethered to a performance contract that has ransomed my children's fate & says perfection or fail.  just knowing that the very best possible parenting cannot produce a spiritually responsive child gives me such peace.  this is good news because i am not perfect but i am also not alone.  

so put the skin on, while remembering that unless God builds a house, labouring is in vain - being fully aware that every wise woman also builds her house alongside the master builder. the watchmen knows that it is God that guards the city.  the builder believes that it is God that does the real building.  and the mother recognizes that only God can make anything truly significant happen in her child's life.  the watchmen watches in faith, the builder builds in faith & the mother must mother in faith.

our very best mothering - cemented in faith & relationship with Him - is our part.  

"flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit"

{john 3:6}  

beware...poop! {our potty training journey}

the view from the potty

*WARNING: this post contains a lot of poop, so if you are especially sensitive or queazy, beware!

this past week, we finally reached our goal of potty training! it has been a long, bumpy journey but we got there in the end!

we started potty training at the beginning of the summer just as dav was at the height of his irrational fear stage. so when his brother accidently pooped in the tub... it caused some issues with both the bath & pooping... and i don't blame him!  i had a few issues myself with pooping in the tub! this was untimely combined with our doctor recommending that we let the twins go o'natural as much as possible while outside to help avoid diaper rashes... which one can only imagine nearly gave our deck a rash! thank-goodness for garden hoses! poor davith!  after this little run of incidences, we put potty training on hold until our little poop phobia blew over.  

with the imminent arrival of baby #4, we thought we'd give it one last go... and to my surprise, it was so easy!  i really had my doubts that he would be potty trained before age 18! but we did it!  we chose to get away for a few days at the cottage and just get 'er done.  in the end the moral of the story is: when they're ready, they're ready... & there is no way around being ready.  and just in the nick of time too - baby is due in two weeks! potty training, check!

*more info: to potty train during our last attempt, we used the 1-3 day method from the babywise series which worked brilliantly for dav! it was a great resource for getting our own unique skew on potty training.

tips i want to remember for our second round of potty training are:

• special "potty" activities: books, magnetic puzzles, tv time, white board with markers & apparently binoculars
• just hunker down and get 'er done: choose a weekend where that is all you focus on
• potty respite: plan to have hubby or family around to step in on the millionth trip to the potty
• never underestimate the power of positive reinforcement: candies, praise, buttons... whatever works {avoid showing frustration}
• don't pay any heed to what other kids are doing at your kids age... all kids are different & have different rates of readiness... don't try to make it happen, just let it happen when they are ready.

where children sleep

well before i had any children of my own, i was a teacher. and well before i was a teacher, i was a lover of cool kids stuff. and so, i started collecting. collecting clothes, hairbands, books, room decor, ideas...you name it! if i really liked it, i bought it, and stored it for many, many years. and now i am enjoying my little storehouse of neurotically collected cool kids stuff. steve thinks i am nuts... but never regretted the perfect thing at the perfect time!

and this is one of those things that i will put in the storehouse for when my kids are little bit older but love the idea of what this beautifully creative picture book has attempted to accomplish. 'where children sleep' by james mollison is a photographic story of diverse children told through portraits & pictures of their bedrooms. as a bedroom is a significant part of childhood & can reflects much of who we are & where we came from, this unique & yet touching collection of photographs is intended to engage children ages 9-13 as well as adults. this depiction of details of children's lives around the world is quite moving, addressing social issues & children's rights. i hope to show this to my kids one day as a way of opening their eyes to the world around them & helping them put their own lives into perspective. to use as a conversation starter about our western self-centeredness, change & gratitude, in a sensitive atmosphere where my kids can draw their own conclusions & convictions. there is a preview of the photos online which you can view by clicking here.

perspective

in the constant loading and unloading of the dishwasher, the ever-growing laundry monster in the basement, the never-ending diapers & the long nights and early mornings, one can find their day washed away by seemingly menial tasks. don't get me wrong, i have loved the privilege of staying home with my kids but at times i can lose the revelation of what i am doing. i found the quote below earlier today and it just set my perspective straight after a long day.

"i learned more about christianity from my mother than from all the theologians in england"

- john wesley

what an terrifyingly awesome statement. it's not at all about the dishes, the mangled toys or dinner clean-up... it's about your who not your do... who you are changes everything you do.

what a worthy cause to wade through the dirty laundry and unswept cheerios for.

the art of roughhousing

" i don't think it is too much to say that play can save your life. it certainly has salvaged mine. life without play is a grinding, mechanical existence organized around doing the things necessary for survival. play is the stick that stirs the drink. it is the basis of all art, games, books, sports, movies, fashion, fun, and wonder - in short, the basis of what we think as civilization. play is the essence of life. it is what makes life lively." - stuart brown in play

roughhousing: wrestling, pillow fights, jumping off beds, sliding down stairs, you know it when you see it. but what is roughhousing all about, and what does it mean for us & our kids? i may be spoiling the surprise but, i got steve a book for father's day called 'the art of roughhousing: good old-fashioned horseplay and why every kid needs it' by: DeBenedet & Cohen. i took a little flip through last night and got drawn in. the authors bolding claim that play - especially active physical play, like roughhousing - makes kids smart, emotionally intelligent, lovable and likable, ethical, physically fit, and joyful. roughhousing exercises both the body & the brain, from the amygdalae, which processes emotions, and the cerebellum, which handles complex motor skills, to the prefrontal cortex, which makes high level judgements. roughhousing is not only beneficial for the body and brain but also the loftiest levels of the human spirit: honor, integrity, morality, kindness, and cooperation. roughhousing has a host of benefits for adults too! getting off the couch & roughhousing has been linked to preventing Alzheimer's & promoting overall emotional and physical health by reducing stress & providing a healthy outlet. active physical play is the best way for parents and children to build a strong, close, lasting bond... especially dads as roughhousing may start as a primarily physical activity but stretches into less familiar territory like feelings, closeness & intimacy. being silly without being self-conscience is good for just about anybody and a great cure for the grumpies. it awakens the imagination and implores wild creativity. it pushes us out of our inhibitions & inflexibilities, releases tension, spontaneity, improvisation, and joy. it's just down right fun.

sadly, the motto of safety first has evolved into safety only (which i think is just a misunderstanding of safety). many parents let the fear of skinned knees & bruised feelings overtake the real dangers of stifled creativity & listless apathy. cuts & bruises are just a part of a healthy childhood. you limit hurts as much as possible but when they happen take them on an opportunity to teach or learn. some parents worry roughhousing gives kids ADHD. not so! it is now being used as a treatment for attention deficit. the fear that roughhousing makes kids wild, aggressive, and impulsive - and always escalates to chaos and anarchy is not so. boundaries & limits are imperative! t.v. & video games are partly to blame to. kids spend much more time in front of a screen then they do outside. and when kids aren't staring at a screen, they are being overscheduled, overprotected, and underadventured. after working as a teacher in the school system, the no touch rule brings more problems than benefits in my experience. there are even schools that have as so far as to not have playgrounds. and that is the sad state of roughhousing... or is it a challenge? what could be more exciting than setting the record straight and giving the art of play a shot of adrenaline?

so if you're up for it, check out this incredible resource and find out what vaquero, pilobolus, alaric the barbarian, sasuke & fataleufu matress rafting all have in common... a whole lotta fun!

(*the art of roughhousing by: anthony t. debenedet & lawrence j. cohen)

busy box #1: the baker's box

getting dinner ready at the end of the day can be a tall order when combinedwith keeping an eye on three energetic toddlers. at times they are happy to just sit at the kitchen table with a few toys or snack to keep them occupied while i work. at other times, they bring a whole new meaning to "ankle biter". and so i got this terrific idea from one of my favourite books called "the toddler's busy book" by trish kuffner (a fabulous resource for keeping those toddler's occupied & happy - there are also more incredible books in this series that i highly recommend). it's called the baker's box 9just one of the amazing busy boxes trish suggests). i put together a collection of unbreakable kitchen tools in a little box that i keep stashed in a drawer in our

kitchen. i actually bought a little cooking set from ikea and then filled in the rest of the box with random things like empty kinder surprise capsules (as pretend eggs) and other random pieces to inspire their imaginations. davith loves to bring this little box to "help"me cook or bake. i occasionally give him a little container of granola or raisins to stir into his little creations. playdoh also works. davith has recently claimed the top of our garbage & recycling can as his imaginary stove. here are some pictures of the fun they get up to.

rest your head

before having kids, both steve and i really wanted to be intentional about our parenting. now that we have three soon to be four kids, i find the hardest time to be intentional during the day is during our bedtime routine. i had always dreamt of singing sweet songs, declare God's promises, having a cuddle while reading stories & bringing the word of God alive for our kids. it often has the potential to be a chaotic, rush to the end of the day where all of us are exhausted & just want to pack it in for the night. i recently decided to take the bull by the horns and be a little more intentional during this time. and so while looking for songs to sing other than skinimeriky-dinky-doo, i stumbled across this beautiful lullaby.

Sleep & Dreams - Charlie Hall

Close your eyes, it's time to sleepThe day is done and it's the time to breathe and dream

I pray that bands of angels fill your room
And the songs of God would come consume you

Rest your head on hallelujahs
Rest your head on all God is
Rest your head the day is done
And now it's time to sleep

Put your mind on things above
Let your heart be filled with faith and hope and love

i feel like i need to sing this to myself every night, never mind the kids! what a fantastic way to end the day... full of peace, perspective & expectation!

this one is a keeper for sure!