good things come to those who wait

well, we finally got the keys to the farm!!! whoohooo! thank you Jesus!

my apologies for my lapse in blogging... as a result of getting the keys to the farm we have also been cut off from the outside world... no internet, no phone service & no snail mail (we lost the keys to the mailbox).  but, we have some new doohickey that has promised to fixed our internet problem & there is hope on the horizon that we may one day soon have phone service as well... although no sign of the mailbox key (i'm sure there's a youtube video on how to jimmy a lock somewhere out there).

oh friends, how much i have to catch you up on! i have been keeping an account of this ridiculous adventure by scribbling on scraps of paper whenever i get the chance. with tales of missing horns & snakes that rattle, pig hand offs at tim horton's & horses & toddlers that won't stay put, it has been crazy ride. i feel like i need a minor in veterinary science & animal behaviour as well as a few courses in carpentry, horticulture, self-defence & child psychology. with so much work to be done at the moment, it's a learn as you go kinda journey. but if i can fix a bloody goat horn with a toothpick, a string & four kids at my feet, then i think i can pretty much do anything. or lets hope. there's a lot rising on my lack of expertise.

more stories to come. but just a few pics for now.

meet churchill

another trip to the feed store... reading the tractor classifieds,
until livi sat down

planting the orchard (all the trees were just $20 at loblaws!)

meet rudyard kipling

growing a goat or two

pssst...wanna know a secret?

i'd like to blame my brief interruption in blogging on a little secret i've been trying ti keep. it wasn't for sure until Christmas eve {best Christmas gift yet!}.
and so without further adieu...
we're moving to a farm!
we're moving to a farm in ashton, texas!
just kidding... but we really are moving to a farm in ashton, ontario (about half an hour outside ottawa) & we could not be more excited!
it has been a life long dream for us to run our own organic hobby farm & we still can hardly believe that it's ours. it really feels like the Lord hand picked it for us. it is a restored 200 year old farm {which is weird because that means it wasn't actually built in Canada... at the time we were called the dominion or something}. with it's old pine floors, massive gardens, emerald roofs, open fields, climbing trees, screened in porches, creek & piggery... we instantly fell in love & felt weirdly at home. it's a homestead. a place where we can dig our roots down deep & flourish.
although it will be difficult to say good-bye to the house we've had our babies in, the maple tree in our front yard with the swing & all of the neighbours we care so deeply for, we know God's has been in it all & goes before & behind us.

thank-you Lord for your goodness overwhelms us. 

where i come from {save the scraps}

"i never tell the enemy, i've been on the cover of time magazine, i've gone around the world.  i don't use none of that stuff up there. i reach back into my history.  your power is not in where you are, your power is in where you've been.  for Jesus said, 'I am the same yesterday, today & forevermore.  and if I brought you through that, still I am.'" 

{t.d. jakes}

i come from a long, twisted heritage that reaches back into the darkest corners of the netherlands. i have heard of stories of where i come from & i cringe. that was the heritage i heard of.  the heritage i experienced was different.  my beginnings were wrapped in love & fresh air & everything beautiful.  the woods were where i remember chiseling out my first remembrances of home.  those deep woods full of long wonderings & wild imagination.  i lived in the trees, those whispering pines always singing their lullabies.  and in the springs, when the waters would flood & pool, there i found truest joy in my black rubber boots.  and my twirling fields, my grass covered mountaintops for seeing & thinking.  and that long, graveled road where i would collect my pebbles & dreams.  i came from there until the world began to impinge on my beautiful beginnings.  it crept in like a thief in the night.  it took my deep woods & my climbing trees, my innocent fields & lullabies and replaced them with fear & brokenness, rejection & confusion.  and that is where i was born.  that is when i began pushing & digging & fighting. from places of uncertainty, places of self-deprecation.  unwanted places, too soon places, not enough places. the woods got darker, the clouds temporarily covered my sun, the locusts ate my twirling fields & the trees towered in intimidation.  

"{and the Lord says} you know a whole lot about now, but you forgot about then.  there is no way you would have made it to this present danger if I hadn't done what I did yesterday.  you wouldn't be blessed to have the problems that you have right now."

{t.d. jakes}

but He took my not-enough places & He broke what was not enough & He multiplied them & healed my land.  He restored all that the locusts had eaten.  He filled those spring pools to overflowing and i sit here now, from that restored place.  from the place of plenty.  i have lived in the light for so long i had forgotten the dark in between.  victory had had an anesthetizing effect.  the flourishing, fulfillment place had forgotten the fight, the battle places.

He wastes nothing that good God of ours. nothing. not even the scraps. 

"until we can be thankful for what is not enough, what is not enough can't be multiplied into more than enough.  the blessing is in the breaking. that which refuses to be broken, refuses to be blessed. the breaking of life produces the blessing of life." 

{t.d. jakes}

sewing savvy

these were great until liv figured out how fun
they were to flip in the car

we went for a little road trip for the last two weeks of summer this year to visit some very good friends of ours in both Grand Rapids & Geneva (Chicago). they had to have been very good friends, or we would have never even entertained the crazy idea. but all things said & done, it went very well. pinterest-ed an idea i had originally intended for dav's first year of kindergarten, a little napping bed for nap time but expanded it for the others to enjoy on our trip as well. however, there was one big obstacle to this project & that was my sewing savvy. my sewing projects usually end up as disasters. like when i made pj pants with one leg a full foot shorter than the other. or the dress that fell apart while i was wearing it. any sewing success i've  had is totally & completely attributed to my mother who swoops in at the last second to save the day. and she was not available for this project. i let the kids each picked out their own fabric (kai: rock&roll, eva: pink butterflies, livi: peachy owls & dav: superman) & then there was no backing out.
much better than expected. and other than the driving part, so much fun! it was a 46 hour round car trip {with only one of our kids conked out for a 10 minute nap of that entire 46 hours}. i knew i was going to have to be super-de-duper organized if there was any chance of not losing our sanity & i pinterest-ed tons of car trip ideas like road bingo, fishing box snacks, activity bins & lots of new viewing material. i had also
steve had recently taught himself to gut fish using just a youtube video (something he's always wanted to learn) & i thought, if he can do it so can i! and better yet, no innocent fish were hurt in the process. so i sewed my little heart out & voila! we roll them out now for movie nights, saturday mornings, extra beds for the kids when the fam visits, etc. and they roll up into a nice little roll with a handle too. each for transporting & storing. i got the pattern from this lovely link here.

hiding from gma & gpa

perfect for movie nights

they shared until all the nap mats were finished

 
thank you pinterest!

cheers to learning new things!

take my life {a song diary: a new song for a new year}

and the new year lurches forward, marching obediently to the thrum of time.  with hopes held high, ideals polished & passionate promises in hand, we step into our future, that illusive future.  futures are slippery things.  always escaping the will, slipping through the fingers of the well intentioned.

january holds out its hopeful hand & beckons us to be more.  but how long does it take for the fervency to fizzle, ideals to melt down into compromise?  february follows and the long lines at subway dwindle. by march, gym madness has settled back into the dedicated few.  and april rolls out a parade of lost hope & in the spirit of rededication we get up & try again.

over the years, being an avid goal setter myself, i have become wise to this cycle.  i could promise to be kinder to my children, visit the Word more often, swear off the lattes & dedicate myself to a whole new life makeover.  but i’ve been there, done that, came up empty.  in all my years of goal setting, i don't think i have ever stopped to ask Him what His plans for me were.
 if 2011 was the year of try then the year 2012 will be the year of surrender.  i give up.  i give up on my nicely laid out plans.   the feeling of sweet surrender.  an offering to Him.    
the year of surrender

year of control:  "if you need to be a control freak... then start by controlling yourself"- danny silk.

time to bridle that innate,undeniable fight for control in my life & use it for good.  if i need to control something, i can work on controlling my self: my tongue, my attitude, my time, my mind, my emotions, my will.  

• surrender of perspective: be thou my vision.  seeing them like He sees them.  seeing me like He sees me.  putting on blinders to all else that hinders.  seeing the world from right here & putting my world into it's rightful place.

• surrender of pace:  hurry hurts kids, hurts me.  hurry robs moments, stunts joy, cripples a life lived always short. there is no where i need to be that is more important than relationship.  relationship over rushing is the new rule.

• surrender of emptiness: no more neglecting the storehouse.  a time to militantly guard my well spring of life, tend my garden with diligence.  too often running on empty, time to pull from plenty, if for no other reason than i crave being full, long to be full.

• surrender of mind:  no more anger, no more anxiety, no more frustration, no more raging storm inside.  i place my hope in the One who never disappoints, who is my soul salve.  time to quiet, to still, to listen not talk.  to trust & to know who is the Saviour of my soul.      

• surrender of indulgence:  giving life to the tiny pleasures. the right kind of pleasures.  the tiny indulgences that make a big difference. gone are the days of the chocolate bar & tv feeding my soul.  i know it sounds silly, but making time for long bubble baths, getting properly dressed for the day, outlawing the ponytail {miss christy is helping me out with that one over at pintuck}.  lighting a candle & reading & reading & singing & reading some more.  these are the tiny indulgences that feed the soul.

• surrender of moments: it’s not in the one dramatic resolution that we live our lives but in the 10,000 mundane everyday moments that follow it.  oh how i wish i could sweep those moments under the mat, my sin exposed so regularly, so obviously.  but that is where we live, in the moments. and so i choose to embrace all the moments, even the ugly ones, as my teacher.  holding each moment captive to change & giving thanks for every single one.  

take my life Jesus... i'm done with it, done living for self.  it has been a long, lonely, tiresome fight to live for me.  who knew giving up would feel so good?  i surrender, i surrender all to Him the Worthy One.  

{take my life & let it be...}
by: frances havergal, 1874

1. Take my life and let it be
   Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
   *Take my moments and my days,
   Let them flow in endless praise.
2. Take my hands and let them move
   At the impulse of Thy love.
   Take my feet and let them be
   Swift and beautiful for Thee.
3. Take my voice and let me sing,
   Always, only for my King.
   Take my lips and let them be
   Filled with messages from Thee.
4. Take my silver and my gold,
   Not a mite would I withhold.
   Take my intellect and use
   Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
5. Take my will and make it Thine,
   It shall be no longer mine.
   Take my heart, it is Thine own,
   It shall be Thy royal throne.
6. Take my love, my Lord, I pour
   At Thy feet its treasure store.
   Take myself and I will be
   Ever, only, all for Thee.

best beginnings

some thoughts, insight & wisdom while reflecting on new years & resolutions...

"what if all tomorrows are just more of all our yesterdays?  a thousand times i've told myself, 'i simply must try harder.' try harder to be more organized, try harder to educate our children better, try harder to be more after God's heart.  but i know it: trying harder only results in harder trials.  self-striving nurtures self-hatred.  toiling flesh produces foiling in the soul.  looking back on the trail tromped through the other years, i can see that to forge new tracks across this year will need more than simply sheer effort, gritty determination... to track new ways, one needs wind's hope, His Spirit.  His spirit wind covers our muddle tracks.  the grace of His Spirit, fills our empty spots, intercedes and gives us a fresh start every day." {ann voskamp}

"God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible.  what a pity when we plan only the things we can do by ourselves." {a.w. tozer}


"Jesus said... you can't put God's kingdom off till tomorrow. seize the day." {luke 9:62 msg}

cheers merry friends, to a clear vision, a bold confession & a bright future covered in His grace!

xo

and then there were four...!

and so... we're pregnant! by october we will have four beautiful children age 2 and under! and we are absolutely thrilled to bits!

although i've been quite sick (hence the break in blogging), i just couldn't be happier! it is so strange with this being my fourth child that i could be this excited. you'd think i'd be used to it by now... but i guess you never get too used to miracles! some people may think we're crazy but i just feel so blessed. i know there will be challenges, but i am full of expectation, faith and adventure!

God is SO good!

the inner workings of a shellfish

i thought the title of this little blog needed some explaining. when i was younger, i was super shy... and maybe i still am but God had just done something powerful in me. i can remember when i was younger, my teachers would all say the same thing at every parent-teacher interview "...sarah is so sweet but painful timid. we'd love to see her come out of her shell a bit more." and so i thought this blog would be a great idea for me to share a little bit about what goes on inside that shell. i was inspired by my husband's favourite artist Tom Waits (he's definitely an acquired taste). a line from one of his stranger songs was "what's he building in there?". so much goes on inside that God never gets credit for. He has done incredible things in me, in my family, in my marriage, in my church, in my community, in my city. Very rarely is there a "suddenly", but usually there has been a process of tweaking, breaking, building behind the scenes. and so here's the deep work of God that he has begun and will see through to completion!

the babies have landed!

they're here!

eva joy nouvelle & micaiah john emeth finally arrived on may 13 at 10:59 and 11:01 am weighing a healthy 7.6 and 6.6 lbs.

and we love them!

instantly, overwhelmingly, absolutely & unconditionally!

the lord is so good to me.

a life in the making...

i have finally joined the ranks of fellow bloggers in an attempt to capture and memorialize my kids lives as they grow and as i stretch (in more ways than one as i have just given birth to our twins!). as hard as it is to watch then grow up, i really want to remember those little looks or cute peculiarities as their little personalities take form.

so, here is my newest venture, a blog, as a sort of scrapbook of seemingly random but so very precious memories, stories, quips and quotes as they splash together to compose one very wonderful life.

thank-you lord for these gloriously messy but oh so sweet days...i think to myself as i try to scrub 2 quarts worth of plumb sauce off my very sticky, very shiny one and half year old!

the adventure continues!