sinking deep {a song diary}

it happens like this sometimes. so unexpected. moments so unworthy to hold the glimpse of eternity they reveal. but i think it happens like that a lot... at least for the mamas of the young. how He so graciously unwraps Himself in such insignificant places. amongst the crumbs & crumble of life.

and i just broke. right there amungst the dirty floors & sticky counters & the signs of life littered all over the windows & walls. the kitchen spinning around me into nothing. all the things that only moments ago tethered me so mercilessly to the earth, the concern & tangly weight of people & their messes. confronted with the ugly realities, the dirt of life hanging heavy & syphoning precious hard won life. and i was afraid. afraid to make all the wrong choices. afraid of how to wake up tomorrow & face the next brutal day. and then it all crumbled beneath me. and the earth just faded and all i could see was heaven, the glory of His face.
standing here in Your presence, in a grace so relentless
i am won by perfect love
wrapped within the arms of heaven, in a peace that last forever
sinking deep in mercy's sea
a love so deep that it didn't matter if things would be alright. i didn't need the answers. i only needed to see Him. touch Him. hold Him. and i sobbed there on the musty, dog dirtied floor, beholding His beauty, His splendour. i couldn't see anything else. so beautiful i couldn't open my eyes. His mercy swelling waves of all consuming love over my heavy shoulders.
i'm wide awake, drawing close
stirred by grace, all my heart is Yours
all fear removed, i breathe You in
i lean into Your love, Your love
and i never heard the phone ring with news of yet another sewage flood at the rental. i didn't notice the odour of urine imitating from the little boys bathroom or the mountain of pukey laundry collecting at the bottom of the stairs, didn't notice the needy e-mails collecting in my inbox. i didn't even notice we were out of advil. i just sat there a moment & basked.
when i'm lost You pursue me/ lift my head to see Your glory
Lord of all, so beautiful
here in You i find shelter, captivated by the splendour
of Your face, my secret place
and there in the ugly imperfect, i beheld the most perfect thing i've ever seen. 
my everything.
Your love so deep is washing over me,
Your face is all i seek, You are my everything
Jesus Christ You are my one desire,
Lord hear my only cry, to know You all my life.

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