heaven blew every trumpet {letters to livi}

the dimple in your right cheek as you smile big, as you dream big.  eyelashes flutter, tiny toe twitches, tiny pink fingers grip tight to my finger as you drift in & out of sleep.

you are perfect.

i play with your ten toes, run my finger over your soft skin. perfect.

they said i'd never tuck you in at night, never kiss that button nose of yours, never sing you to sleep.  they said you'd never make it to my arms.

and here you are, my arms full of a perfect miracle.  a miracle Love made.  i clutch you closer.  my cheek against yours as you breath soft.  i count every breath.  i think of all the moments, all the days, minutes that they said would never happen.  and chest heaves, tears well with thankfulness for every second, every poopy diaper, every cry in the night.  this is what i prayed for.  to hold you in my arms. this is what i fought for.

after an imagination barren pregnancy, too afraid to entertain what-ifs, i sit here now and dream extravagantly along with you. how daddy will dance for you, how we'll laugh under the maple, how i'll braid your hair or snuggle at day's end.  how you'll look at me with those pure piercing eyes & i'll feel it well up it within me. that crazy love. that love we fought for, cried for, longed for.

looking at you, i stare straight into the face of God's goodness & mercy.

you were born a miracle.  every chromosome knitted together by His knowing hand, every hair counted.  against all the odds, all the impossibilities.  you were born, perfect.

i will never stop thanking.  i will never stop treasuring you.
you are the child that miracle birthed little livi verona.
wear life bravely for you are the one we fought for.

"heaven blew every trumpet & played every horn on the wonderful, marvelous night you were born."

~ nancy tillman, on the night you were born