lesson in the losses: unholy moments & imperfect progress

lesson #9: "redemption is better than perfection" {kristene mueller}

hello there. i'm still here. attempting to get my writing groove back on after my little holiday sabbatical. although, it wasn't really the holiday's fault. maybe my own pride. i hate writing from unholy moments. and as of late, i seem to have been swallowed up by a whole tidal wave of unholy. you know, the moments where you fall between the cracks, out from underneath grace & find yourself picking up the pieces of your raw emotions. i've tried to avoid writing when these moods brood because, well, i don't really want to remember them. it's like evidence. a documenting of my falling shortness. nothing perfect. nothing pressed. it's too real. it's too rumpled. but a fellow friend has inspired me by her courageous journey to write her own story of struggle redeemed & i have decided to lay down perfection & pick up redemption too. it's called the beautiful process of "imperfect progress". i've always held back if i know that i can't do it perfectly & that change doesn't always happen instantly. but where's the opportunity for change then? change damages pride. it's a risk to admit that you got it wrong. that you don't have it all together & attempt to be different. but embracing imperfect change has been a radical experience for this recovering perfectionist.

"imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in grace... imperfect progress. progress. just make progress. it's ok to have setbacks & the need for do-overs. it's  ok to draw the line in the sand & start over again - and again. just make sure your moving the line forward. move forward..." 

{lysa terkeurst, unglued}

"of course, this side of heaven we will not do perfectly. harsh words will be spoken, patience will wear thin. frazzled mothers will act frazzled. and when this happens, our own sinfulness does not detract from the power of the gospel, it illustrates why we need it. do not use your own mistakes as an excuse to wallow about what a bad mother you are. repent. seek forgiveness, get it right, and move on. believe. be forgiven. extend that forgiveness, that belief, that joy, to your children."
 {rachel jankovic, motherhood is application}

"the battles are raging & the casualties could be my children, my husband, or myself. this war isn't about me being mom enough. this war is about God being 'God enough'... 

and somehow, in God's mathematics of grace: mom {never enough} + God {infinitely enough} = mom enough. mom enough to believe and to be called chosen, daughter, righteous, honoured, heir, forgiven, redeemed. trusting in God, because of Christ, i will rise from the graveyard of mommy war victims, victorious & filled with resurrection power. loving & living in his perfect enough-ness, i will live to parent another day. never mom enough, but filled with the One who is always enough."
{rachel pieh jones, are you mom enough?}

these quotes have been life to me as i've been walking this process out. it's this imperfect progress that has pushed me from gospel presentation to gospel application.  i give up trying to be mom enough, perfect enough. i lay it down & surrender to this process of imperfect progress, of letting God be God enough for me, for my kids & my husband. 

cheers to this year all about surrendering to Grace. giving up & starting again in the strength of the One who perfects my imperfections. it's not all of Him & none of me but rather all of Him through all of me. and then i don't mind putting my unholy moments on display because they've become an invitation for Him to rewrite my struggle into strength. my lack into more than enough. He does that, that good God of mine. transforms all things. always singing that redemption song over me.