best beginnings

some thoughts, insight & wisdom while reflecting on new years & resolutions...

"what if all tomorrows are just more of all our yesterdays?  a thousand times i've told myself, 'i simply must try harder.' try harder to be more organized, try harder to educate our children better, try harder to be more after God's heart.  but i know it: trying harder only results in harder trials.  self-striving nurtures self-hatred.  toiling flesh produces foiling in the soul.  looking back on the trail tromped through the other years, i can see that to forge new tracks across this year will need more than simply sheer effort, gritty determination... to track new ways, one needs wind's hope, His Spirit.  His spirit wind covers our muddle tracks.  the grace of His Spirit, fills our empty spots, intercedes and gives us a fresh start every day." {ann voskamp}

"God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible.  what a pity when we plan only the things we can do by ourselves." {a.w. tozer}


"Jesus said... you can't put God's kingdom off till tomorrow. seize the day." {luke 9:62 msg}

cheers merry friends, to a clear vision, a bold confession & a bright future covered in His grace!

xo

little mother {letters to eva}

"opsies!" you exclaim at the sound of your wee baby sister in the next room.  you run to her aid pressing her susu softly against her lips. you bend low to give her your kiss.

your brother throws a tantrum in the other room. "opsies!" you run off to tend to your motherly duties.  he is stuck in his coat. you use those tiny fingers of yours to unzip his jacket & promptly begin removing it from his shoulders. you garble a few nonsense sentences which only your twin would understand & then toddle into the other room.

i follow.  you pick your baby doll off the ground which older brother has carelessly ejected out of the back of his tractor. you hold her by her neck. rocking her, swaying back & forth patting her back with your tiny palm. "shhhhhh!" you sing her to sleep.  you find a place for her in an empty baby swing. cover her with one of little sister's blankies & place a discarded susu on her chest.

you grab your purse & a dirty diaper left on the floor, clutch them both under your arm & toddle off to you next mothering duty.  although it is not duty to you.  just pure joy.

and this is who you are, mother in miniature growing into mother mature.  you will comfort those who cry.  liberate those who struggle.  lift weighs off of the oppressed.  speak life to those who are dead & don't know it.  you will bind up the carelessly discarded & broken hearted. sooth them with your song.  you will find a place for them.  you will gather them under your wing & shield them with your faith.  you little eva joy nouvelle, with the Christ in you, will be great hope to those in great need of mothering. and in all this you will find your great Joy.

{eva, 19 months}    

behold love that passeth knowledge...

”He was poor, that he might make us rich.
He was born of a virgin that we might be born of God.
He took our flesh, that he might give us His Spirit.
He lay in the manger, that we may lie in paradise.
He came down from heaven, that he might bring us to heaven….

That the ancient of Days should be born.
that he who thunders in the heavens should cry in the cradle….
that he who rules the stars should suck the breast;
that a virgin should conceive;
that Christ should be made of a woman, and of that woman which himself made,
that the branch should bear the vine,
that the mother should be younger than the child she bare,
and the child in the womb bigger than the mother;
that the human nature should not be God, yet one with God

Christ taking flesh is a mystery we shall never fully understand till we come to heaven

If our hearts be not rocks, this love of Christ should affect us .

Behold love that passeth knowledge!”

~Thomas Watson

christmas' are for counting

christmas' are for snow curled mops of hair, rosey noses & icy eyelashes. for friend & family all huddled round the puzzle table, a good game & bowl of nuts. for chocolate indulgences & fireplace fancies.  for the gasps, the giggles, the grins, crackle of christmas paper shredded by uncontainable excitement.  for matchbox cars, clementines & brightly coloured socks.   for decedent meals, turkey laced with cranberry, sweet potato stuffing & rum raisin pie, shared between kindred spirits.  for soul restoring hibernation, snug amungst the twisted blankets & billowy pillows.  for memory making, memory staking, memories relived & reinvented.  for story telling, tale spinning under the silvery cold moon.  for little linus' proclamation, for the grinch & his heart now three sizes grown, for drummer boys & wise men gathered under a star.   for pear trees & partridges.  for chimney smoke, roasted pine & maple embers, candles dripping long with ambience. for snow weighed branches bowed low in reverence of the winter wonderland bestowed upon their laden limbs. for long fireside chats, dreams all a glow. for sleigh rides & parkas fringed with fur.  for wet mittens, woolen hats & drippy floors.  for movie popcorn popping nights, snug as a bug in a rug nights, laughter lighting, soul inspiring, long winter nights.  for burrowing deep in books & ideas & companionship. for grizzled soul now rendered tender.  for window watching, snow snug hills & footprint setting.


christmas' are a noisy yet quieting place, a dreaming yet sobering place, a rushful yet restful place.

oh yes, i have received many gifts this christmas.  some of them wrapped in boxes & bags, perfect packages. some enveloped in warmth & seasonal colour. others wrapped in blankety snow & chill. but all wrapped in love.  from a father to a daughter.

thank you Lord Jesus.  for how you love me so.

twin fashion {small style}

anyone who has ever dreamed of having twins, has probably dreamed of them in matching outfits.  so cute, so perfect.  on special occasions this is super fun.  on an everyday basis, this is exhausting.  with the ever increasing laundry demands & mealtime clothing spoilers, one can find that the once fun matching outfit idea is just a frustration.  and so i have given up the matching outfit dream & embraced the unique personal style philosophy.  it helps that they are boy-girl twins & that they could not be more different personality wise.  kai is a go getter & eva is, well, a girl.  try to dress kai fancy & he'll shred that outfit to bits.  try to dress eva fancy & she struts around like a peacock, smoothing her ruffles & frills.  she LOVES clothes, shoes, clips & bows.  kai couldn't care less.

so here is a little snapshot of their unique personal style:
{kai}: i like to call this indestructible style, the only thing that would make this outfit more practical is if it were flame retardant: {whale suit} babygap {slippers} no sure, thrifted

{eva}: i like to call this fru fru style: {tutu body suit} old navy {leggings} children's place {headband} ardene's {ballet slippers} joe, only $3.94! i love finds like this!

evie trying to put on the world's tiniest dutch clogs
{they were attached to a key chain}

 

her favourite "pacifier" next to her ruby slippers

*i realized how different the twins were this past week, when leaving instructions with a babysitter, i said "if kai's upset just give him his susu... if eva's upset then just give her a pair of shoes, the frillier the better" and i wasn't joking... shoes are her pacifier at the moment.

for bad days & weary heads {a song diary}

this one is for today... no history with this song prior to today, just heard it today on the radio & sobbed & sobbed & sobbed some more... isn't that always the way it happens?  you feel defeated, empty & alone and then you turn on the radio & He is right there.

yes Lord, i hear you... You are with me.   i come to you for You are all that i need.  You are my everything.  You are my hand to hold, my Peace, my Rest, my Steadfast.  i keep my eyes on You.

endings & beginnings {letter to davith}

"mom. i busy." you say.

"but dav, i just want a little cuddle?" i say.

"but mom. i too busy. just for a little while, k?" you say.

you indulge me for a moment and crawl up on the couch beside me & throw those small arms around my larger middle.  my heart soars.

"will you stay little for me forever?" i ask facetiously.

"only for a little bit mom.  just a little bit for you." you bounce down & busy yourself with the busy work of building barriers of toys so your siblings can't come in the room without knocking over a toy apocalypse.  piling box upon car, pillow upon baby doll you work fervently until it meets your expectations. hands on hip, you grin with approval. your contagious giggle follows.

sigh. how do i make it last?  how do i slow time down? your childhood flashes before my very eyes.  so fast.  too fast. how could you be busy already? when it feels so much like your babyhood has ended, i desperately try to remember it is also a beginning.  beginnings often masquerade as endings & endings as beginnings.  they are one in the same.  you can't have one without the other, i soothe my crumpled spirit.  i know all to well i have been the one to teach busyness, to exemplify hurry, to push forward. but no need to panic.  just slow.  a pausing of time.  so i can see, i can experience, i can savour the way those blue eyes sparkle when they get into mischief.

"i be right back! but don't miss me mom cause, cause, cause i be riiiiight back!" you climb your tower of toys & jitter off into the kitchen.  my heart hurts just a little, knowing this won't be the last good-bye.

it was you, no so long ago who made me a mother.  who welcomed me into womanhood.  oh the things you have taught me so far, so invaluable. a lifetime of things in just your short little life.  how will i face the rest of my life, the rest of my womanhood, without a babe clutching to my hip - or rather me clutching to my babe?  and i forget, it was Him who grew me through all of the diapers, all the sleepless night, all the will breaking tantrums.  and it is Him who be there through the next phase. isn't that just life's journey? life's purpose? to grow. to grow up.  to grow old & wise.  to move on, move forward, move homeward.  to gaze upon Him who never changes & change.

and so let's gaze together.  let's begin together. let's grow up & walk brave, humble & onward towards maturity together in this long life of adventure.

you return to your mountain top of toys, blue eyes grinning over the precipices & you giggle as you push through to the other side.  "i back mom. no missing me. i back!"