take my life {a song diary: a new song for a new year}

and the new year lurches forward, marching obediently to the thrum of time.  with hopes held high, ideals polished & passionate promises in hand, we step into our future, that illusive future.  futures are slippery things.  always escaping the will, slipping through the fingers of the well intentioned.

january holds out its hopeful hand & beckons us to be more.  but how long does it take for the fervency to fizzle, ideals to melt down into compromise?  february follows and the long lines at subway dwindle. by march, gym madness has settled back into the dedicated few.  and april rolls out a parade of lost hope & in the spirit of rededication we get up & try again.

over the years, being an avid goal setter myself, i have become wise to this cycle.  i could promise to be kinder to my children, visit the Word more often, swear off the lattes & dedicate myself to a whole new life makeover.  but i’ve been there, done that, came up empty.  in all my years of goal setting, i don't think i have ever stopped to ask Him what His plans for me were.
 if 2011 was the year of try then the year 2012 will be the year of surrender.  i give up.  i give up on my nicely laid out plans.   the feeling of sweet surrender.  an offering to Him.    
the year of surrender

year of control:  "if you need to be a control freak... then start by controlling yourself"- danny silk.

time to bridle that innate,undeniable fight for control in my life & use it for good.  if i need to control something, i can work on controlling my self: my tongue, my attitude, my time, my mind, my emotions, my will.  

• surrender of perspective: be thou my vision.  seeing them like He sees them.  seeing me like He sees me.  putting on blinders to all else that hinders.  seeing the world from right here & putting my world into it's rightful place.

• surrender of pace:  hurry hurts kids, hurts me.  hurry robs moments, stunts joy, cripples a life lived always short. there is no where i need to be that is more important than relationship.  relationship over rushing is the new rule.

• surrender of emptiness: no more neglecting the storehouse.  a time to militantly guard my well spring of life, tend my garden with diligence.  too often running on empty, time to pull from plenty, if for no other reason than i crave being full, long to be full.

• surrender of mind:  no more anger, no more anxiety, no more frustration, no more raging storm inside.  i place my hope in the One who never disappoints, who is my soul salve.  time to quiet, to still, to listen not talk.  to trust & to know who is the Saviour of my soul.      

• surrender of indulgence:  giving life to the tiny pleasures. the right kind of pleasures.  the tiny indulgences that make a big difference. gone are the days of the chocolate bar & tv feeding my soul.  i know it sounds silly, but making time for long bubble baths, getting properly dressed for the day, outlawing the ponytail {miss christy is helping me out with that one over at pintuck}.  lighting a candle & reading & reading & singing & reading some more.  these are the tiny indulgences that feed the soul.

• surrender of moments: it’s not in the one dramatic resolution that we live our lives but in the 10,000 mundane everyday moments that follow it.  oh how i wish i could sweep those moments under the mat, my sin exposed so regularly, so obviously.  but that is where we live, in the moments. and so i choose to embrace all the moments, even the ugly ones, as my teacher.  holding each moment captive to change & giving thanks for every single one.  

take my life Jesus... i'm done with it, done living for self.  it has been a long, lonely, tiresome fight to live for me.  who knew giving up would feel so good?  i surrender, i surrender all to Him the Worthy One.  

{take my life & let it be...}
by: frances havergal, 1874

1. Take my life and let it be
   Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
   *Take my moments and my days,
   Let them flow in endless praise.
2. Take my hands and let them move
   At the impulse of Thy love.
   Take my feet and let them be
   Swift and beautiful for Thee.
3. Take my voice and let me sing,
   Always, only for my King.
   Take my lips and let them be
   Filled with messages from Thee.
4. Take my silver and my gold,
   Not a mite would I withhold.
   Take my intellect and use
   Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
5. Take my will and make it Thine,
   It shall be no longer mine.
   Take my heart, it is Thine own,
   It shall be Thy royal throne.
6. Take my love, my Lord, I pour
   At Thy feet its treasure store.
   Take myself and I will be
   Ever, only, all for Thee.