the big red button

the BIG red button.  we all have one.  located right in the centre of our chests given with a blinking red light begging to be pushed.  and our children are little red button pushing experts.

the BIG red button: any parenting pet peeves really {whining, tantrums, sibling rivalry, a messy room, any non-compliance, irresponsibility, disobedience or disrespect... take your pick, the list is long & limitless}

when a child hits the big red button, we loose control. it makes us go crazy! it's in moments like these, i realized i needed some equipping. i needed a language, a way of interacting with my kids that is empowering, where they understand what i am trying to say. i have found it helpful to have a little bank of phrases ready to roll on the tip of my tongue and shift my brain into neutral. no rise of boiling anger needed. no heightened emotion or volume. just a calm, cool response. this is crucial, as i know all to well, when my child is upset, out of control, looking for my buttons, the best friend i have is a thinking brain. i have all to often given over the control of my emotional life to my 2 year old toddler. it's time to get back control over myself, time to stay away from the emotional cesspool and be able to think, to be the adult. time to disconnect the BIG red button.  phrases that i have personally found helpful in creating a mental pause for myself, preventing the inevitable rocket launch, have been some of the following: no thank-you, you have the freedom to make a poor choice or wise choice here..., nice try, fun or no fun?{the no fun option is room time}, you choose or i choose, that's ok you've made your choice.  they are like tongue tattoos, ready at a moments notice. a soft answer turns away wrath, my own wrath that is.  it's just a parent grabbing control of herself instead of a parent attempting to control a child.  sadly, we cannot control our kids.  we can certainly try but that usually ends in frustration.  control was never meant to be the goal.  the goal was to give them a well put together role model for whom they can model their own lives after if they wish to.  the goal is to teach & to train them how to manage themselves.  and they can only do that, if i give them the tools to do so.  a picture of what that looks like, from our own lives.

disconnecting the BIG red button, disconnect the ability of any other person to control our quality of life starts with what is going on inside.  whether it's your kids, an inconsiderate friend or family member, it all works the same.  guard your mind & guard your tongue.  i find how i see things in my minds eye, greatly affects my emotional response.  providing a context is crucial.  a context like how does God see this person?  every time i ask that question, my heart melts instantly.  love quickly disarms anger or frustration. love conquers all.