conversations with fear

i am afraid.  i am afraid of the day that awaits me tomorrow and of the dark night that lingers in between.  chest winces with fear as imagination runs wild with wicked possibility.  afraid of the struggle.  afraid i won't have what it takes, won't possess what is needed.  afraid of the exhaustion, the burn out, the soul sucking tired.

strengthen the feeble hands,

steady the knees that give way...

anxiety cripples me in my bed at morning's first cry.  how am i going to do this? how am i going to get through this? afraid of my children, of my reaction, my resolve crumbling beneath me.  afraid i won't have the answers.  afraid i'll loose something. loose ground.  loose hope.  loose ability & conviction.

say to those with fearful, anxious hearts,

"be strong, do not fear;

your God will come,

and He will come with vengeance;

with divine retribution

he will come to save you..."

afraid i'll fall short, fall fast.  afraid of my inevitable mistakes & missteps.  afraid to be left where i am as i am.  afraid of the imperfect me in an imperfect world.

live in the house of the Lord all the days of your life,

delight yourself in the Lord's perfections...

for He will conceal you there when trouble comes,

He will hide you in His sanctuary.

He will place you out of reach on a high rock.

then i will hold my head high above my enemy...

at His sanctuary i will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,

singing & praising the Lord,

delighting Him with the music of my soul... 

so flex strong feeble hands, steady now shaky knees.  take heart, take strength, take perfection from Him.  for He alone is the redeemer of all things.  all days, all dingy floors & chipped walls, all hope.

{passages paraphrased from isaiah 35:3-4 & psalm 27:4-6}