yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. nothing went as planned. no sleep, no latte, no internet, yogurt, yogurt everywhere, diapers, grumpy boy, granola, granola everywhere, timeout, gym, hard, sweaty gym, groceries, loooong lines, full grocery cart, no bank card, trail three hysterical toddlers through loblaws into the rain sans groceries, brother pushes sister into stair, nose bleed, timeout, screaming, poop, crying, babies "nap", starving infant trumps starving mummy, fussy infant trumps exhausted mummy, babies wake, mess, mess everywhere, grumpy toddlers, bath, poop, bedtime, five minutes later bedtime for mummy & repeat allll over again. sigh. this is my life.
i am tired. i am dirty & i am still latte-less! but today was better. not better as in the events were different. just substitute the nose-bleed for a toddler falling down the stairs & trailing three hysterical toddlers through loblaws for dragged three hysterical toddlers & an infant seat through a school hallway after the recess bell has rung. fun to say the least. every day is painfully the same & yet vastly different at the same time.
i realize, upon reflection, that the key to a great day lies wholly in my perspective & attitude. i cried my way through yesterday but laughed my way through today. a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day can only happen if i have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad attitude. and those darn attitudes are sneaky. just when i've really changed, i have yelled for the last time, that stinkin' attitude jumps out from behind a sabotaged nap time or a diaper change gone all wrong. they creep up on you when you are least guarded, unexpectantly. it's never when i have my fully highlighted & underlined parenting manifesto under my arm. no. only when the tank is dry, stomach empty, reserves depleted & my mind, outraged, reasons 'no person on earth should ever be expected to endure all this! go ahead & sulk. it's only natural in such circumstance.' but no. i made a choice a long time ago to not become a victim of my day. it's when i'm the weakest, i need to be the strongest. it's like what they say about weight lifting. just when you feel you've reached your max, you can't do anymore, that's when you do two more repetitions. and that is how you build muscle. in the two more that you thought you couldn't do, that were well past your capacity, that we grow. we become the strongest we've ever been. i'm not saying it's pleasant or painless, just necessary.
my day did not just happen to me, i happened to it. i'm steering this ship. no toddler of mine is going to steer it for me. i choose how today is going to be experienced with all of it's poopy, messy challenges. so cheers to today! a wonderfully loud & complicated mess that i am choosing to enjoy anyways! choosing to be thankful for laundry strewn everywhere, an empty underwear drawer, teething toddlers and all. i am thankful i have arms to fold crumpled laundry. thankful that i have access to teething salts & tylenol. thankful for a broom to sweep & a cloth to clean. the hard eucharisteo.